keep on keepin' on

Funny

2011-05-05T21:25:00.000-05:00

Scene: IR room 30, where nurses are responsible for placing the majority of CCHMC's PICCs*.

Players:
Adam, the nurse.
Amanda, the IR tech.
Jen, the documenting nurse.
Mary, the child life specialist.
XYZ, the patient (approximately 12 months old).
Dr. Leah, the helper (only present because the PICC nurses aren't allowed to advance a wire beyond the tip of the catheter; we get called when they get into trouble).

Casual chit-chat. Jovial. Almost silly. Introductions and time-out take place.

ADAM (prepping the patient's arm): So, Leah, do you have a man in Arkansas?

LEAH (donning gown and gloves): A WHAT????

ADAM: A man?

LEAH: No, I have a woman!

ADAM: Oh.

MARY: That's nice.

LEAH (to Amanda): I don't know if that's what I was supposed to say. (to the room in general): I've got a partner and two little boys.

Casual chit-chat resumes.

Later, flying with my Cincinnati mentor, Neil. I had the controls for much of the return flight. He even tested my skills by putting on blinders so that I couldn't see out of the windows. I was flying by ~~the seat of my pants~~ instruments and dials.

*If you're interested, I can always add more medical acronyms. I can speak solely in jargon when necessary.

Complex

2011-04-27T22:42:00.000-05:00

It's hard to get through a day without amassing a new layer of complexity in life. Not only are there more things to do and more fires to put out, there are new ways of listing, organizing, and considering all these new things.

Where to put things has been on my mind. Papers - new leather bag, new file folders. Computer files - new external hard drive, new Dropbox, new Evernote, new PDF readers, new plans for new iPad that should arrive tomorrow. Thoughts - new desire to invigorate the blog not the least. How do I keep up with all the todo lists? How do I take notes at work? [There are so many thoughts.] Projects - how to separate, plan, initiate, and overcome roadblocks?

Just one example (work-related): I have many ideas for improvements once I get back home. How do I incorporate them? Why isn't there a simple way to document and share our operating schedule electronically? What system do I suggest? How in the world can we be HIPPA compliant? Why don't my partners want to use the available resources? How can the freshest member of the group expect immediate change? What will it look like to gain leadership responsibilities over the years? Will I be good at it? How am I going to be in charge of resident education the second I get back, when I've just started my career? How can I teach them while integrating all the new technologies (did someone say iPad)?

My brain just seems to stay busy these days. I've been working on ways to get all these thoughts out of my head. If you were to read a stream of consciousness of my thoughts in a 24-hour period, I'm confident it would take you weeks to get through it all.

And yet. There are moments when clarity is an understatement. Sometimes, my needle goes where it is supposed to go, and I can see it advancing into the kidney on ultrasound, and that tiny little duct is MINE, and I am there in the moment, and the contrast flows in, and the wire passes, and access is granted, and kids magically luckily thankfully get better. There is so much to be said for deep deep concentration that pays off. There is a time when I am operating and nothing else exists. This space of time shapes my days and rewards me and keeps me going in spite of journal articles and paperwork and stress and malpractice and budget cuts and suffering and birthers (for crying out loud).

Stay afloat we must. The journey continues.

Song

2011-04-17T06:12:00.001-05:00

Dying Day, Brandi Carlile

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Don't

2011-04-14T21:51:00.001-05:00

Another Rossism not to forget, this in text message format from E:

Ross just said "my heart is a little breaking cause Eah is not home."

Well, buddy, mine is a lot breaking. But I'll see you in two days. Then one more trip for you to Cincy, then home. Forever, as you say.

Seems the Braswells are encountering a smidge of that desperate feeling.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Madison Rd,Cincinnati,United States

Milestones

2011-02-27T17:44:00.003-06:00

Bought my new iPhone 4 today.

Turned Reid's car seat around to face forward. I'm sorry you had to find this disappointing news out on my blog, Erica. He's big.

Experienced the shock of having a debit card declined at the Apple Store. Realized I'm not very embarrassed, actually, given that I am self-assured of my financial stability (in spite of this freak incident) and in a foreign country called Ohio where no one knows me.

The debit incident led to a wild goose chase of fraudulent BofA concerns, phone call remedies via the AT&T kiosk (my old phone had been deactivated without a new phone), a trip to the apartment for alternative credit card(s), and a visit with the Apple store manager. It has been several years since I was without phone access for a couple of hours, but somehow I survived.

It was worth it, but it was kind of ridiculous. I rewarded myself with a visit to the Cheesecake Factory bar for four seasons pizza.

Wall

2011-02-26T09:56:00.003-06:00

Something does it to me, and I don't know what it is.

I've been meeting with a trainer every week since I moved here. We do total body stuff, like lifting and jumping and abs. It has happened twice now that I just hit a wall and can't go any more. I feel like I am going to pass out. My muscles will NOT work. I try to keep going so that his impression of me as a weak out-of-shape puny girl is not perpetuated, but then I have to sit down for a second. After about two minutes, I'm OK to get up, refuse his offers to drink Gatorade or quit, and head to the mat for abs.

He says I'm not eating appropriately. Well, DUH. I eat what I want to eat, then I have beer and ice cream. I tell myself that I am trying to eat his prescribed diet of balanced protein, carbs, and gallons of water. I do okay for a day, then I have a four hour case. I stumble to the cafeteria for a sandwich (with chips and a coke). He says eats several small meals a day. I say I am an interventional radiologist who makes rounds, gives lectures, and charts between cases. After a day like that, I head to my burger joint for my only real meal of the day.

So frustrating. Even when there's a will, it doesn't seem like there's a way. I miss being a runner. I miss training for a half. I miss not having to whine about being out of shape. [I miss my favorite jeans.] This moonlighting gig is a bigger problem than I thought it would be. Every other night, I do a work/sleep cycle from midnight to 7. Which means that I can't work out in the morning before work because I'm reading films. On the alternate every other day, I'm loving my sleep because I didn't get it the day before.

Just this morning I talked to my friend who coordinates said moonlighting, and we both want to cut back. If I could do 8 or 9 shifts a month rather than 15, it would make a huge difference. We're going to try that in July, so it's something to look forward to. I thought that I would be up here by myself and time would just multiply. Not true. I'm still a busy doctor, and I'm still whining. More things have to change.

I'm going to eat better before workouts. I'm going to print a running schedule. I'm going to replicate trainer workouts in between trainer workouts so that I'm not starting from ground zero each time. This puny stuff HAS to get better. Above, a visit to the Apple store when family was here in January.

Matters

2011-02-25T19:22:00.002-06:00

Have. To. Vent.

Just spent a wonderful evening with coworkers from Cincinnati Children's. Four IR docs, one wife. Nice dinner at the oldest establishment in the city.

I share with Neil my experiences at Sewanee; there are many similarities to his university in Melbourne. There are many many people who can't relate to a Sewanee life, but he gets it. He then tells me he got married in the chapel there, with his wife three months pregnant. His choir buddy arranged magnificent music, and he paid the college caterer with a case of wine. He's is a romantic through and through. We are like-minded liberal individuals. It's a sweet story, and his wife is beaming.

John says his wedding was in the chapel of his wife's high school. Perfect picturesque setting.

KK had TWO weddings, one in India and one here in the US. People came in droves from Brazil to see the US version. The photographer screwed up. The DJ was fabulous. People danced all night.

I keep my mouth shut, because what am I supposed to say?

"I fell deeply in love. It was madness. We barely came up for air. We knew from the beginning. We bought rings in the NOLA French Market years before Katrina. One night, we danced in the rain outside our apartment. We sketched our dream house. We had a small ceremony at our house one evening. Her family wasn't invited. It's been 10 years."

This is why marriage matters. Equality means a million little things and lots of big things. It's not JUST because there wasn't a church, or pomp and circumstance, or acceptance. It's not JUST about inheritance tax. It's not JUST what other people think of us. It's all those things put together.

I'm not a hugely outspoken lesbian on a mission. I go about my life and rarely notice the differences. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm gay. It's like I totally forget. But this "venting" is more than refraining from whining. It's about the right things to say and do.

Marriage matters. It matters to me and to my family. It shows the world that we matter and that we're just like everyone else. It means I don't have to sit there smiling at dinner, internally considering the latest news from Maryland and Hawaii. It means my kids could be my kids. It means I don't have to consider Dutch citizenship, or a future trip to Iowa, just to get the job done. It means somebody might take a chance on their own honesty one day, knowing that "gay" can be done well.

Yes

2011-02-16T20:58:00.000-06:00

Essentials

2011-02-16T19:59:00.003-06:00

What I can't live without here in Cincy, otherwise known as the list of things I enjoy about being here:

Skype
Terry's Turf Club, my Monday night burger dive
Netflix
iTunes (to push back the quiet)
Fun colleagues and IR team
Time to read
Whole Foods
My trainer
My tough Honda Pilot in all its terrain-tromping wonderfulness
Restaurants with bars, so that I never have to get a table for one
The promise of spring; the accomplishment of learning to deal with the cold
Google Maps and GPS

My routines are solid now. I never did live an adult life on my own. Well, there was about a month of medical school before E and I became a we. I think if things had gone completely different in my life (thank God that's not the case), it would look somewhat like what it is now. I get up early, read the news/feeds/FB, make coffee and breakfast, leave for work at 6:50, change into scrubs, work, change out of scrubs, home. The last part is where there are frequent deviations. Many nights I go to dinner with folks from work. Mondays I go to Terry's. Some nights I eat at home. I stay home on Friday evenings. I go to the movies on Saturdays. I wash clothes and take out the trash on Sundays. I mean, this is what people do who don't have families, I guess. There are parts of this that I like. As a type A hoarder of details and plans, this kinda fits my psyche. [You should see the organization of my bathroom shelf.]

I don't crave drama and chaos. I don't love the unexpected.

BUT I MISS THOSE THINGS! Shock of all shocks, to learn some things about yourself. I can literally feel what my kids would feel like in my hands. It is a visceral kind of miss. It is so cliche, but all those good and bad and crazy and ugly things about being a family are so crucial to our beings.

On another note, if you ever get the chance to experience being recruited, enjoy it. It is quite flattering. It probably needs to stop before I get a big head. My humility is really taking a beating around here. OK, not really, but there is a certain allure to the attention. And appreciation. I am so grateful for all the training I've had up to this experience. I was ready to tackle this. I am good at what I do, and I found the perfect job for me. Some kids actually get better when we treat them. All of these things I owe to the people who trained me so well. What a blessing.

No, we're not moving. But my eyes are open to the possibility. I have now seen for the first time another medical system. Another set of rules, routines, experiences, and outcomes. There's a whole world out there!!!! It will someday become very clear that the timing is right for me to chase my career to a new place. When that day comes, I think I'll be ready.

Tomorrow, HOME. Exhale.

Normal

2011-01-15T19:14:00.002-06:00

It's hard to believe, but I'm adjusting to my new normal here in Cincinnati. Some thoughts about the first two weeks:

It is colder here than at home, but it's true that expectations and preparation play an important role. When you're ready for it, it doesn't bother you. I have a strange sense of enjoyment when the weather is going to be really cold and snowy. And I'm surprised that the people here aren't more prepared for snow. Roads, schools, grocery stores, etc - they all take a hit just like at home. I've been told you have to proceed a couple more hours north for the true winter-ready folk. Parking outside is not a big deal. Parking just across the street is not a big deal.

The apartment is a good fit. It had been a while since I lived somewhere with radiant heat (ahem, Gorgas), but it sure is nice to have tall ceilings, hardwood floors, and a real claw foot tub. The sun room is a perfect place for my bike and car seats. Going outside and down the stairs for laundry is not a big deal.

The job is great. I am not overly taxed, but I am busy. The days feel complete. I am learning and sharing knowledge. I keep taking Evernotes to try to remember how to set up for and perform certain procedures. The attendings are friends. The techs are fun. The atmosphere is collegial, and they appreciate my sense of humor. Perhaps best of all, the four IR docs let me be one of the guys. We make dirty jokes and go out drinking after work together. Hangovers are not off limits as conversation topics.

The hospital is picky, though. These people scrub their hands three times (we prefer once). They do not one, but three timeouts for every procedure. They go nuts about badges, isolation, and protocols of every type. And the scrubs are kept in a stupid machine that delivers "credits," but woe to those who wear a size "small" and expect to retrieve in the 7:00 AM range. Sheesh.

Technology makes life easy. GPS in the Pilot is used daily. Skype is used daily. Oh, what a difference. I have a nearby Whole Foods, a nearby gym, a nearby Target, and a nearby movie theater. I've read two books and seen two movies already. OK, if you must know: A Moveable Feast, The Sun Also Rises, True Grit, The King's Speech. These are things I don't get to do at home.

It's kind of a simple life. I have with me only what I need, and I prepare my own breakfast and dinner. A lot of nights, I have cheese and crackers and berries for dinner.

My family and I are adjusting well, but it's never the same. I love being here. I just need the best of both worlds to coexist.

Digital

2011-01-06T19:39:00.004-06:00

I read hundreds of RSS feeds every day, many of which are blogs of people I know and (more often) people I don't know. Mom blogs, Arkansas blogs, political blogs, news blogs, gay blogs, mac blogs. You name it. I read facebook updates. I even follow like three twitter people. I am constantly reading, reading, reading. I am a book lover with a recently established book club. I am an academician, constantly staying abreast of the latest radiology publications. It never stops. And I haven't even bought an iPad yet - I'm waiting for the second version.

Almost all of these things in my life, with the exception of the old-fashioned book, are new. I didn't have them a few years ago. God knows I wasn't reading journals when I was a resident, even though I should have been. And now, I check the computer in the morning, I check my phone between cases at work, and I often sit with my computer in the evenings. When I'm moonlighting, awake at 3 AM waiting on a CT to download, I see who's posted. And I haven't mentioned a little thing called television yet.

I know this is the most un-original topic of 2011, but sometimes I think I am over-digitized. I might look back on my life and declare standing in line in June 2007 (for the first day of the first iPhone) to be the pivotal point in my life. Seriously, what DID we do before smartphones?

Is my new years' resolution to ditch the digital and spend more time talking to family, taking music courses, drinking wine at art galleries, and exercising? Do I vow to get out and enjoy real life more?

No, I'm much too far gone. I've been thinking of ways to do it all better. Get rid of some FB friends (at least block their posts): done. Delete all FB following that isn't a real live human being (e.g. Barack Obama and Planned Parenthood): done. Pare down the RSS list (even NPR! gasp!): done. Save feeds that list convenient iPad apps for efficient browsing, blogging, etc: done. Get a ReadItLater account, so that I can blast through feeds and save some for a more appropriate time: not yet done.

I've come to the conclusion that technology does more good than harm in my life, and I'm not ashamed to say it. In all honesty, it is quite rare that Erica or I look at one another and give that suggestive "put the phone away" stare. Apps like Todo, Mint, and Evernote have changed my life for the organizational better. I can actually tell you my DEA number and Reid's social security number within about 10 seconds. Hipstamatic and MobileMe Gallery have improved how I save and view images of my family. I shop on my phone so that I don't have to go search for crap, and it makes me a more discriminating buyer. I pay bills in the bathroom sometimes. I can tell you how many miles I ran and biked in 2010 (not even remotely enough). Another saving grace: I'm not a gamer. I play Words with Friends with my mom and Erica, rarely anyone else, and that's it. And I haven't been lost in Little Rock or elsewhere since June 2007. I've been lots of places since then.

So, yes, my screen time has to be monitored in a way. I can't let myself become one with the computer chair, ignoring my life. And I know all about the iPhone moisture sensors, so I can't use it in the shower after all. But I would argue that my life is more efficient, more enriched, and more aware than it was a few years ago. That's why I'm not blogging about a week-long hiatus from technology and how cleansed it made me feel in the end. I'm looking for the next best app.

Before (Part 1 of 3)

2010-07-09T15:53:00.003-05:00

Before my grandmother died, she was lots of things:

Classy
Giving
Sometimes irritating
Lover of scarves, leather gloves, and jewelry
Wine drinker
Shaky (years of anti-epileptic drugs' side effects)
Tall
Early riser
Shopper
Dog lover
Laugher
Computer savvy
Chocaholic (really, anything sweet would do)
Budding genealogist
Nervous/worried
Environmentally conscious
Limited in culinary talents
Painter
Detail oriented
Cold cream user
Coffee drinker
Political
Crafty
Breast cancer survivor
Sentimental
NOT forgetful
Country and cosmopolitan at the same time
Outgoing
Secretive
Mother of 2, grandmother of 4, great-grandmother of 5
Widow x 2, divorcee x 2
Engrossed in numerous successive projects
Content
Faithful and prayerful
Adventursome
Obsessed with flowers
Never very well-off
Fiesty and a little vindictive

She didn't really have an easy life. I can't blame her her faults.

We always knew that the tangle of vessels in her right parietal lobe were there, tempting fate. We knew she should have, could have bled and died long ago. We didn't know it would be on a Saturday, or that it would happen right before my mother's eyes, or that the preceding days would have been so precious and joyful. How could we have?

Overdue

2010-03-04T22:33:00.000-06:00

Musing

2010-03-03T13:15:00.001-06:00

Why can't a gas station credit card reader not tell if I'm using debit or credit? There's ample technology involved in the transaction to be able to discern.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wagon

2010-02-28T16:19:00.002-06:00

I fell off the blog wagon after all that January drama.

I am enjoying a Sunday afternoon with my computer, playing catch up and planning how much more there is to do. Including taxes. If I get that done, it'll be huge.

We are having an open house now; the family is sleeping while I do my solitude thing. Pa.ndora, Goog.le Reader, Face.book, etc. I'm so web savvy! I know how to put dots between popular words so creeps don't find me!!!!!

Dory has heartworms and is undergoing treatment. She had her first shot Friday. It makes us feel like horrible moms for letting her get sick. Now she has to be super calm for six weeks. Good luck.

I am going to Cincinnati for 6 months (January-June 2011). So that's decided. I picked the 6-month, direct-flight, normal working hours, no-call option. Shocking, really. So I plan on my first real paycheck at the end of July 2011. There. It's out there. We can make it.

Ross is into costumes: Darth Vader, Jedi, dragon, Spiderman, pirate.
Reid is trying out rice cereal this week. Sitting up a little bit. LAUGHING. But mostly very serious. Nursing eighty times a night. Chomping on fingers. Squeezing his toes.

D

2010-01-10T20:49:00.002-06:00

We are in big D. I wish it were for better reasons. We left early this morning and had a really good trip with the boys (i.e. they didn't scream in their seats, no major spills, no bad weather, etc). Erica's mom is with us to help with them. Reid has to be with Erica for feeds, obviously, so we couldn't leave them at home. But they can't come to events with us, so Margie is taking good care of everyone.

The visitation was horrible. We are drained. I'll never forget it as long as I live. The best part was seeing how much Audra needed Erica and was glad to see her.

Our hotel is a little shady and smells like French fry grease. But I am a cheap skate and found it for 58 on hotels.com.

Quick

2010-01-09T06:36:00.002-06:00

A quick post since I've broken my resolution and missed yesterday.

I had good reason. A friend of ours from Erica's residency class, Audra, lost her baby Thursday to SIDS. She was Reid's age. We spent our evening last night planning our trip to Dallas and talking. No time to hop in front of a screen.

I was actually off yesterday, so I had lots of good Reid time. Ross went to school. We went to my dad's new place to meet him and my aunt Becky, who will be decorating. He moves in a week if all goes as planned. We also went to see Mom at school. He was a hit and loved the attention. E met us for lunch at Bossa Nova (always a treat). Then the boys had check-ups. Reid had four shots and a rough evening.

Today I head in to round on a couple of patients, then we just plan some home time.

And no, I am no pregnant. Geez. And I can't adopt my kids in AR. It's just that I would like to work to change that process, ask if there are loopholes, etc.

Rough

2010-01-07T22:23:00.002-06:00

We had a rough night. Too much going on. Ross had a friend's birthday party tonight, and it was fun but set us back a bit. Weeknight excitement can do that. It somehow became 10:00 really fast.

We got NO precipitation, which I hope you remember was properly predicted here last night.

Reid has a persistent cold. How long is too long? Why does his cough sound so horrible? Has he peed enough? Does he need medicine? Why am I married to a pediatrician but have no clue how to settle our worries about these kids?

This morning I woke up dreaming that we had all been in a plane crash. I was trying hard to find the boys in the aftermath, which was quite a drawn out process. I finally got to this Catholic girls' school in a densely forested neighborhood. After finally finding the lobby, I stood at the desk while the nun started telling me that I had to fill out a form to remain on campus. I begged her to help me find "my boy." I kept saying it over and over again. It was like Ralph Fiennes in "The English Patient," when he can't get back to Katherine because they think he was (and he was) a spy. Only seemingly more dramatic. The other weird thing: One of my future partners was on staff at the school. I'm not going to tell her.

I think I harbor separation anxiety. One of my goals (New Year's Resolutions?) is to make progress in the land of Adopting My Kids. I could at least try.

Remember

2010-01-06T22:04:00.003-06:00

I try to think of things during the day that would be great to post in the evening. There seem to be so many.

And yet. Here we are, with not much to say. About a year ago (almost two years), I read two books in short succession that each employed a narrative technique that involved little stream-of-consciousness sentences such as: "And yet." Even so." "Still." I always think of those books when I write something like that. It was super effective and made an impression on me. Great transitions. Richard Ford's "The Lay of the Land" and "History of Love" by Nicole Krauss.

On the radio this morning.

I hate tumor board in general, today's tumor board in particular. I always sweat and get a headache to be walking that plank.

It may snow tonight, so the whole world is in hysteria mode. Me, I have chosen to ignore. We go about our business. Ross throws a fit to go to bed, the breast pump in the other room whirs, and Reid devours his conglomerate fingers.

Fifth

2010-01-05T21:28:00.002-06:00

Here we are at five days in a row. See, I could do it.

To answer: yes, my mom was temporarily sick. H1N1 for a week, followed by a secondary pneumonia that required hospitalization. She was really sick but made a full recovery. My dad met me in the ER. The three of us were alone together for hours on end, for the first time in several years. It was good considering the circumstances. Then it was bad because it got complicated. They made a movie about it; did you see it?? Meryl Streep even drives a Highlander.

Today was crazy at work. I got finished a little after 7 (that's radiologist speak for late). Erica had already made dinner and accomplished baths. I swept in for the final hurrah, read books, then they crashed. I don't remember sitting today, but I must have for a few minutes at a time. I did eat. It was a fun day.

I am still really frustrated with PICC lines in babies. It is the most technically challenging but banal of our procedures in IR. Bread and butter. Several a day. Technologists standing around tapping their toes. But the smaller the baby, the more difficult. Sometimes I feel like I'm gaining ground, but then I'll have trouble with a few. Like today. It is so frustrating to be in this position. Board certified, mid-year fellow, experienced, looking at another fellowship for these types of procedures, and totally screwing it up. I am capable of so many things, but that doesn't matter when I'm at the plate for one of these little kids. It WILL get better. My mantra.

I am learning so much. As the only fellow in the department, people bring me their interesting cases. They ask me questions. We look stuff up. I kind of know all the kids in the hospital - at least their images. I may never see them face to face, but I have them memorized. Lest you think it is all hard PICC lines, this is a most rewarding year to get to experience.

Back

2010-01-04T21:43:00.003-06:00

So back to work for me today. I had the stomach bug yesterday and wasn't sure about work, but woke up OK to go. Lo and behold, it was a Little Rock snow day for no good reason. The boys had school cancelled, which would have been fine because E was off service this week. THEN she got the call that her partner was puking and had fever. Scrambling ensued; babysitter arrived. Both moms to ACH.

Hectic start to the week, but we had a great evening. Reid's hair is really growing right now. He is drooling a lot. He smiles all the time. He sat through the entire dinner on my lap with no fussing. These are the kinds of things I notice and mention at the dinner table and want to remember next year and the next and the next. Good enough reason to blog.

I got an email last night and phone call yesterday from my best college buddy, Erica, in Denver. She had twins last week. She got pretty sick; they're early but doing well in the NICU. Hopefully, they'll be out in a couple of weeks. It makes me miss my friend to know that so much is going on in her life. I've been thinking about them a lot.

I've been thinking about my dad, too, who is going through lots of transitions associated with a pending divorce. I know as a parent the feeling of hurting for my kids, and I am experiencing something similar as a kid watching a parent. It's been a rough few months with my parents. My mom got sick in September. The two of them have been "talking." He's had his own drama. It seems like their divorce happens over and over again. It never goes away, and it's always an adjustment. Ugh. I'm whining.

Good place to stop.

Forgot

2010-01-03T09:21:00.002-06:00

I forgot to explain the title of last night's slightly drunken post. I was a pushover yesterday. Ross is a three-year-old and that's not his fault. He gets whiny. It's our fault for being pushovers, and we were guilty yesterday. A few times. After we got home, we were discussing this phenomenon with the babysitter. THEN he stayed up to watch a movie in our room. My head hit the pillow, so I wasn't involved in the movie. Erica stayed up with him. Apparently it was close to midnight. REALLY??

Lots of things to work on today, not the least of which is taking down Christmas. Working on printing some pictures. Grocery. Laundry. It keeps going and going and going. How do people keep heads above water? Is it just me?

Pushover

2010-01-02T23:04:00.002-06:00

Today:
Ross TV, Reid blowout diapers, E to work, Leah in charge for the morning.

I took Ross to see Alvin and Chipmunks for a special date. Which was fine except my phone fell between the seats and was a major ordeal to retrieve - after the movie with the janitor-trash can-flashlight man.

Big nap, then date night for moms. We went to the Pantry and had a pleasant fairly casual evening. Then Sack at So, which didn't live up to expectations. We rode around and were thankful for Whitney. Much needed moms time.

Ross was extra cute today. He was needy and sweet and lovable.

2010

2010-01-01T20:26:00.003-06:00

Last published October 16, 2009.

Pathetic. Here resolved: a post a day for 2010. It can be one word for all I care, but it will happen. I've lost all my readers, so it doesn't matter if the posts are pathetic. No one will know!

Growing our family made for an eventful 2009. That goes without saying. There have been so many changes, small and large. Erica and I have seen our relationship come full circle in the past year and a half. Ross has become a big kid, and a new baby has joined us. Even Reid has made major changes.

Where we stand now:
I (Leah) am a pediatric radiology fellow at ACH. My job is awesome, but it would be nice to be finished training (and making real money; let's be honest). Unfortunately, that's probably a year and a half away. One more year of training (dedicated to pediatric interventional radiology) will follow this one. Time frame is July 2010 to June 2011; then start the real job. ACH is home. It is a great place to train and will be a great place to join a group.

Erica is still thriving in her job as a pediatrician, also at ACH. She takes care of babies in the NICU but has fewer hard-core responsibilities than her neonatology colleagues. She has no nights and weekends. It averages a week on/week off. She loves her job but hates being back at work after having a new baby. This description betrays the real situation, though. Erica is a super mom. She works hard, is an easygoing role model for a rambunctious three-year-old, and spends day and night breastfeeding Reid and pumping milk for him at work. And I'm here to testify. She makes it look pretty easy. We're overly busy and get stressed and forget where our keys are just like everyone else. But she keeps it together. The Braswell glue.

Ross turned three on December 13th. He didn't have terrible twos but is showing signs of terrible threes! Actually, I shouldn't say that. It's just that he is now capable of acting badly. He loves school at Trinity Cathedral's Early Childhood Education Program. His teachers (Whitney and Amanda) love him and are an integral part of raising him up. He loves Spiderman, movies, playing outside, his cousins, and all things rough and tumble. He potty-trained himself this fall and has done a great job. Diapers at night. Still has nighttime pacifier which we are fine with. Sleeps with us a lot which we are fine with. LOVES his baby brother.

Reid is now a baby with an adorable personality. He smiles and snuggles with the best of them. He was a little higher maintenance as an infant than Ross, but now he is this perfect little sweet being. Great breastfeeder. Decent sleeper. Perfect little brother. He is already laughing at Ross. He sits up if supported and has rolled front to back already. Four months tomorrow.

We really want to sell our house early this year. Our house payment and upkeep are way too much, and it's time to simplify and get back to basics. Especially if I work out my training to be done elsewhere. I've interviewed in Toronto and Boston, and have a January 28th Cincinnati interview. We need an easy place for that time period because Erica will stay here with the boys.

We are like a lot of Americans and have had lots of technology advances. Of course our iPhones help all the time; we've had them 2 and a half years now. I've become an RSS feed reader. We have an iMac, a MacBook Pro for Erica via work, and a MacBook Air for me. We are never far away from Facebook, email, and feeds. We got a new TV for Christmas with a Blu-Ray player that has wireless streaming for instant Netflix viewing and Pandora radio. We have Tivo for the downstairs TV, and it stays stocked with kid-friendly shows. I got iPhone speakers for the den for Christmas. I have a new Kindle, given to me by my dad sometime this year. It's truly all-tech all the time, and sometimes we have to take a break.

We'll be in better touch. There will be plenty of time for me to catch up on the blog so that I have a record of how the kids and family are doing. That's the plan.

Test

2009-10-16T21:24:00.001-05:00

First post from iPhone app.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Slip

2009-07-05T16:46:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been a while again since I've posted. Time just slips away, it seems. Lots has happened. It's been a really "up" season, and sometimes I worry about the eventual down.

I passed my boards. It was a big deal. I got the letter on the Friday after I got back from Louisville. Pure elation is fairly representative of my thoughts that day. The only bad part was that I had some colleagues who didn't pass. After all the studying and planning together, that's a bit of a downer. Erica and I celebrated my finishing with dinner at Copeland's. We had never been. I even ate a steak! That's kind of a big deal for me.

I went back to work the following week, and it was fun to sit in the reading room and just WORK. No stress to worry about. Even the ringing phone didn't bother me. I gave morning conferences, dictated studies, and went about my business. We had a fun residents' day on the golf course that Friday, followed by a big party at our house for all the residents. I'm so glad we did that - people brought their kids, we catered from Reno's, and the weather held off. Lots of fun. I graduated that Saturday night. Graduation was a really nice event and dinner. I was proud to have my family there (minus Ross, who stayed with Erica's parents).

Then we left for St. Louis. What a good little trip. We drove up on Sunday and discovered why these little GPS deals are so popular! We're a couple of years late on that one. Our hotel was right across from Busch stadium - Hilton at the Ballpark. That was a great decision, and we kind of lucked into it via kayak.com. We had fun in spite of a lot of rain. Highlights: me climbing in all the tunnels with Ross at City Museum, driving and walking around the park (lots of good pictures walking around the fountain), a quick afternoon trip to the zoo, a long morning at the Magic House (favorite area = construction), lunch at Fitz's root beer, and of course the Tuesday night Cards game. We got there early and settled into our FRONT ROW seats down the 1st base line. It was hot, but the sun went down below the top of the stadium before long. Ross made friends with the little guy who shags fouls. Ross got to wear his helmet between 1/2 innings. The cards dominated. We had the complete experience and probably won't repeat such a good time. We stayed late, too, and Ross got to walk onto the field with his friend. AND he got us a foul ball, AND the girls gave him a souvenir T-shirt.

The next day, we went to the zoo for a more complete visit before leaving town. We spent a lot of time there. Erica rode on a little scooter to prevent too many contractions. It was super hot, but we managed. It was kind of like being in Orlando in July, but not quite as fun. We pretty much saw all the animals. Ross and I rode the train at the end of the day, and then it was back to Little Rock.

After the trip, back to work. I started my fellowship this past Tuesday at Children's. It has so far been exactly as I expected. It is so rewarding to FINALLY be doing what I've always wanted to do. What a blessing. And now, everyone refers to me as "our fellow." I'm in this primo moment in my career. And I feel so welcomed.

Erica, on the other hand, has had a rough couple of weeks at work. Just busier than usual. She's been dealing with contractions for several weeks now, but we are now less worried about them; our doctor has calmed some fears and said they are mild. We are almost 29 weeks, and the goal is to make it to 35 (when Ross was born). E's BP is holding stable and we're just clicking along now.

For the fourth, we went to the Travs game and watched fireworks from there afterward. It has been a fairly low-key weekend. We went swimming Friday, ate barbecue yesterday, and are headed to our friend Keller's tonight for dinner. Just enjoying our last few weeks of being three.

24

2009-06-01T14:07:00.006-05:00

Well, I'm 24 hours away from being free of the American Board of Radiology for the next ten years (that's when I'll recertify).

I spent a lot of time debating whether or not to blog about my trip to Louisville, but I decided to record what I can remember of my trip. All radiologists hate this place. Few have any memories of their boards. When my granddad died, my dad took pictures. It seemed weird at the time (standing around a funeral home room, shaking hands with people, listening to muzak, when FLASH goes the bulb). But now I can see that my dad is probably glad he has memories of that event. Even when it's not pleasant, it's important.

Background: those of you who have had to live around me for the last four years know that it all comes down to this. All those 7 AM conferences, taking cases in front of peers, sounding like an idiot in the beginning, getting chastised for missing subtleties on the images, sweating through countless scrub shirts, etc. The only reason we have case conferences is to simulate the oral board experience. All those books and websites. All those call nights, consultations, cafeteria meals. All those quizzes, PowerPoints, duty hours, schedule requests, rotations, attendings. Everything a resident does for four years means not-a-lot if tomorrow doesn't go well. There's a lot on the line, which makes the event enormous regardless of the preparation, reassurance, and previous pass rates. The culture of radiology residency is so closely intertwined with this exam. It's what gowns and gates are to Sewanee. It's what hot dogs are to baseball, ears to Mickey Mouse. So when I sit in those 10 consecutive hotel rooms with 10 examiners tomorrow, it'll be a big deal. Even though I know I'll pass.

There's not a lot in Louisville. I got here on Sunday uneventfully. Airplanes (NWA), rental car (Enterprise Hyundai), hotel (Hampton Inn). I was shocked to see how close the Executive West Inn is to the airport. [It was bought by the Crowne Plaza within the last year, but I can't bear to think of it under that name; boards are ALWAYS at Ex West.] When I got in my little car and exited up out of the airport lot, this monument of a hotel was the first thing I saw, dominating my little horizon like some huge stadium. It's kind of intimidating! My hotel is right next door. By the way, I LOVE getting into a hotel room. I immediately unpack everything and put things in their places. It's like a clean slate moment for me, and everything fits so neat and tidily. Suit hanging up, little soap bar unwrapped, computer plugged in. I love it.

I went to a Quizno's for lunch, drove around downtown for a while, and found a local weekly paper so that I could pick a good place for dinner. I saw the U of L (there was a regional playoffs baseball game going on at Papa John Stadium), the Children's Hospital, and the Louisville Slugger museum. I was back in my room for a while, but headed out to Boombozz Taphouse for dinner. It was a good choice; lots of draught beers, good pizza, good atmosphere. Watched some TV and actually got quite a bit of sleep. Today was a little harder to fill with activities. I kept seeing examinees coming and going from the hotel next door and wishing for my own completion and closure. I went to a bookstore and a mall to spend some time. I've been in my room for a lot of the afternoon playing on the computer, learning about RSS feeds, catching up on blogs, and trying not to think about the test.

What I'll remember about this semester is the time I've spent with my group of residents, the nerves, and the support I've gotten at home. I'll NEVER think about boards without giving a silent little shout out to Erica, who helped keep me sane and allowed all those study nights. She took on proportionally more laundry, meal prep, trash take-out, discipline, phone call, errand, and planning duty. Willingly. Without debate.

What I'll remember about my residency is that thousands of patients were involved in getting me here. They all helped. A CT scan has about 400-500 images on average, if you include the reconstructions, scouts, etc. MRI has more. US has hundreds as well. If you look at 50 or 60 studies a day, plus conference, plus call and after-hours, plus what we read in books, we are exposed to thousands of images EACH DAY. Imagine what how many images I've seen in four years. It takes real people - with real diseases that hurt and make those patients throw up and bleed and drain and suffer - to make those images. I don't forget that. I will never forget that while my specialty at times makes me a little more removed from the IV poles and hospital beds and call buttons, I am indebted to real people.

So I'll finish tomorrow around noon, head to the airport, and get home tomorrow night. I'll spend much-needed time with my family and open a little letter on Friday or Saturday. Phew.

Still

2009-05-24T16:16:00.003-05:00

I'm still studying, but I'm in the taper. It's just like training for a marathon, but without toenail injuries. You don't work too hard at the end. Especially in the last two weeks. One week from right now, I'll be in Louisville.

We've had a pretty good holiday weekend, even though it hasn't seemed too celebratory for me. That's one thing I've noticed about residency and young doctorhood: holidays aren't much. We have this conversation when we're looking at schedules and planning trips. Sometimes you have time off, sometimes you don't.

Ball game Friday night. Ross got to run around the bases at the end. I was way more excited than he was, and that's saying something. I don't think I've ever gotten to do that; since I have a less-than-5-year-old, I got to participate. Have I ever told you the story about how I DIDN'T get to be a Travs batgirl when I was a kid. I'll spare you the pain. Let's just say it was tragic. And unconstitutional.

So we ran around yesterday, accomplished some errand stuff, spent time with my mom, and ended up going to Whole Hog for dinner followed by a movie (Earth). We were planning on Monsters/Aliens, but you know how plans are. Apparently my widget for movie times isn't so correct. So we got there an hour early and went to eat barbeque instead. We were the only people in the movie theater, which turns out to be perfect when you have a two-year-old watching a nature documentary featuring the bland, serious voice of James Earl Jones. He was all over the place, and we let him. Lesson: don't plan.

Today has been pretty rainy and dull, i.e. not much to post about. We made it to church (there was plenty of room there), and then I studied. One of those weekends where we keep thinking we'll plan something to do and do it. Like I said, plans are overrated.

Hopefully the game and fireworks won't get rained out; so far, so good.

Trickle

2009-05-20T14:40:00.002-05:00

The days are just dragging. My test is two weeks from yesterday, and I can't seem to get there. I think I'm finished studying. I just want to get there. Everything is on hold. Erica misses me. I miss me. I forget more things than I remember. I am whiny. Etc, etc.

I got to have lunch with Katy today, and that cheered me up a lot. It's good to have an oldest bestest friend. Some things never change.

My applications are now complete to Toronto and Boston for the year-after-next fellowship possibility. If I'm a good blogger, I'll keep you posted on how the academic year 2010-2011 progresses.

Our house isn't selling. People are barely even looking.

We had a busy weekend. Ross had three birthday parties, which means we have officially entered that stage in life. He now has Tuesday and Thursday night swimming lessons, which he is ROCKING. They want to promote him. Ha. Not surprised. He had a hateful whiny horrible morning today. I asked him, "What did you do with my kid and why can't you bring him back to me?" Unfortunately, everyone at Panera saw his ferocity and thought, "That's her kid. Why does she bring him out?" They don't know that that's not really my kid. My Ross is perfect and sweet and fun and appreciative. Yikes.

Erica is back at work this week (she has these unpredictable but welcomed weeks off), so that has brought a little more routine to our lives. She still holds things together around here, and weathers our toddler's storms with one hand tied behind her back.

Meanwhile, I'm sticking to the things that always work: morning walks, my dog, beer, wasting time online, a clean car, new books, and Erica. Always Erica.

Don't squeeze

2009-05-12T09:33:00.000-05:00

Moms

2009-05-12T09:12:00.002-05:00

Mother's Day was fun around here, obviously double the usual celebration. We had special bagels at Ross' school at drop-off time on Friday, and he made little gifts for us. They were in a sack to open on Sunday, but he was so proud he yelled, "Handprint!" when I picked him up that afternoon.

He spent the night with my mom. They went to Fayetteville to stay with Nae-Nae (my mom's sister), who was in charge of her two grandsons. I'm sure it was non-stop fun. Ross was exhausted Saturday when he got home. It allowed us a dinner at Brave New, which is by far our favorite Little Rock restaurant. We hadn't been in a LONG time.

I had mock boards on Saturday, which was really good for showing me how long that "real" day will feel. It went well, and it put a lot of things in perspective. I know this stuff. I've been studying like crazy. A few areas to work on in the next three weeks, but otherwise a confidence booster. I got home around 2:30 and opened a beer. Nice.

Erica had a lot of family in town for Mother's Day. Her grandmother is moving to Florida, and the exchange between caretaker-uncles happened in Little Rock. It is a difficult transition for everyone because the grandkids feel like she is moving too far away. So kind of a bittersweet day. Nonie is in her eighties and largely unaware of the goings-on. Everyone took more pictures than usual.

Sunday was church and brunch back at Erica's parents' house. Big day. We napped and then had dinner with my dad and grandmother (who is also increasingly unaware). Ross loves big family weekends and seeing the cousins.

With all the rain, we spent last evening cleaning out the drain in front of our garage so that it doesn't flood. There was mud everywhere. Ross played with worms. I shoveled mud. Erica Shop-Vac'ed the standing water. And then we dug out the drain itself. Not glamorous work, but it seemed to hold last night during the rain. As I was walking them out to the car this morning, Erica and Ross saw a big turtle in our drive! He was thrilled. My camera was upstairs, which now I'm totally regretting.

Above: we're learning about underwear. We have a lot to learn.

Ruminations

2009-05-07T12:27:00.003-05:00

Sitting in the library and obviously not studying. The pictures of the small bowel follow-through are on the screen, but my mind wanders.

I am two people or three, or thirty, or a million.

I used to be someone who walked in the woods, listened to all kinds of music, traveled with a backpack, and lazed. Now I work, and parent, and study, and survive. It is like two different people, seemingly unaligned.

This is not a dismal post. I'm just realizing that THIS is what the 30's (and probably middle age) are all about. We have to figure out who we are. This sounds easy, and I did it years ago. Which was all well and good, but then I changed. I still like to do the things I used to have time for, but I have to find ways to fit them in. This is why people our age are busy. Not because we have kids, but because we have kids and jobs and partners in addition to all the things we used to have. It's not a trade-off, but a squeeze. Case in point: my game room closet, where you will find life jackets, camping equipment, and golf clubs. Relative antiquities these days, but worth keeping and fighting for.

So now I know who I am, but I have to keep on top of that. I still know what I want to do and be, but I have to know that these things change, too.

One day last summer (the summer of my confusion and discontent), I was brushing my teeth in the 1/2 bath. I looked in the mirror and realized that I am exactly who I always wanted to be. I think that moment was precious - not because it was then that I realized it, but because it was then that I really became it. A combination of lots of Leahs.

This person has great hair. She works and loves and plays hard. She is not too old, not too young. She is educated but has billions of things to learn. She has time to do the things she loves, but she has to work for this time.

Which makes simple pleasures more enjoyable after all.

Back

2009-05-05T09:34:00.004-05:00

It's good to be home. I have settled back in. The only problem is that the imminence of boards is pressing and squeezing and contracting. It really does feel like that. Four weeks from today, I'll be finished. I got home late Friday night, and then had board reviews on Saturday and Sunday. It was like, "Welcome home, get away from your family and come to WORK." On Monday, I had four board reviews. Wow. The thing is: reviews are awesome. An "examiner," usually one of my attendings or former residents, stands in front of us and shows us cases. We go around the room and act like we are taking our oral boards. An image is shown, we describe it, talk about the findings, our differential diagnosis, and state what we would do next (more imaging, refer to a surgeon, biopsy, tell 'em to suck it up, etc.). It's an incredible amount of stress and intimidation, but in that regard it simulates the real oral board exam. It's an invaluable experience, but an hour of that stuff wears me out. My neck tenses up and I always get a headache.

So now you know why my life feels like it is on hold. And now that I've complained for an entire paragraph, I'm probably done. Please don't leave my blog now that I've returned!

I looked back at some of the more recent blog posts and realized that a lot has changed. Mae is at her new home, as I stated. The awesome nanny? Well, she was a con artist liar. It's a long story that many of you have heard, but life has been so much better since we moved on. It didn't take us long to figure her out; the stories never made it back around to truth. Our boy is safe, we are relatively unscathed, and all is well. Ross is now at a new school downtown near Children's. We LOVE his new school. We faced the fact that he was totally ready for school, anyway. It gives us all a routine to have him there, and the new baby is on the list for January, when Erica is projected to return to work. Oh yeah, that's news! 20 weeks today. We had our big ultrasound yesterday and kept our heads turned when there might have been a crotch shot, much to the dismay of the grandparents, who would love to know which color to buy. We are keeping it a surprise.

Erica's job continues to go well. It is low stress. She has weeks on service and weeks off. No nights or weekends! In retrospect, I don't think we ever thought there would be a time in our lives that we wouldn't both have nights and/or weekends. Or that there would be scheduled days off! It is such a blessing to have her in a good practice. She loves ACH and spends some time at UAMS, too, where she attends deliveries and follow-up care. My job isn't structured right now; I just study.

My fellowship in pediatric radiology starts this summer and will continue for a year. I'm already planning for an additional year in interventional radiology for the following year (2010-1011). I know, it's crazy. More training. I total of 7 years after graduating from med school. Oh well, it's what I love. I want to end up at ACH; I want to teach; I want to be involved in every way that I can in imaging for kids. The interventional year would likely be done "away;" I'm applying to Toronto, Boston, and maybe a couple others. We'll see. If I don't get one of those, then I'll apprentice here in town in a less official fellowship and stay on as staff here.

Ross is an energetic, smart, loving two-year-old. He has learned to fake cry when he has to go to time out, but seeing him come tell us he's sorry makes us melt. He wants to do things by himself. He wears Pull-Ups, but there hasn't been a tremendous amount of progress in that department. He gets Band-Aids. He looks so natural in jeans and a little Polo shirt. He takes good naps. He gets in our bed between 12 and 4 every morning! He is a book fanatic. He speaks SO WELL for his age and puts together great sentences, complete with adverbs. He points out the giraffes and hippos on the way to school in the car every morning. He says the blessing by himself. He adores his cousins. He knows how to scream. He remains a great eater. He gets excited when we talk about "tiny love" coming and wears his big brother shirt with pride!

I've spent the morning attacking the stack of mail and catching up on bills. Strangely, doing those things is a really calming experience for me. I sit in front of my new computer, blast the indigo girls, and accomplish stuff. The piles get smaller, the boxes get checked, and it turns into "me" time.

Check my facebook for pictures from Boston.

Only

2009-04-30T20:06:00.002-05:00

Well, if taking a trip is the only motivation for me to blog, then so be it. I can promise to do better, but we know what that really means.

Duke: In preparation for my boards (June 2 at 7 a.m. in Louisville, Kentucky), I went with the other members of my residency class to a board review course in N.C. It was an all-day (11 hr) gig for 7 straight days. Pretty hard core. It was good. I learned a lot and became more comfortable with a lot of the material. Enjoyed hanging out with my group, too. We went to some restaurants, ate a little and drank a lot. I also got to spend time with an old high school buddy, Samantha, who is an attorney in Raleigh now. That was really fun and much-needed; we have spent about 5 minutes together in the last 9 years.

Boston: I flew straight from Raleigh/Durham to Boston last Friday. I rented an apartment for the week, which was a combined family vacation and radiology meeting. I ran my bags to the apartment on the T, which was insane on the green line in preparation for a Red Sox/Yankees game, but I made it back to the airport just in time to greet Erica and my boy. We were all pretty much ecstatic to see each other. No, really. 7 days was way too long. So after all that studying, the vacation was going to be awesome no matter what.

Friday: walked to eat burritos, grabbed some staples, crashed out.

Saturday: lots of walking, Copley Square (where the marathon finish barricades were still up), public gardens, swan boats, ducklings, playground at boston commons, lunch with Ralph and Katy (living here for fellowship), nap!, best Red Sox game ever. Thanks to stubhub.com for charging me a kabillion dollars for average seats. It was the best time I've ever had at a sporting event, bar none.

Sunday: New England Aquarium, Quincy, walk to Fan Pier (where there is a big regatta event), walk aimlessly in attempt to find the Tea Party Ship (which, it turns out, is nonexistent now; renovations underway), calm down screaming child who wanted to see the TPS so badly, return to apartment via T, Upper Crust pizza for dinner.

Monday: Prudential Tower skywalk, walk through commons and along Freedom Trail to Quincy (where Ross spilled his pasta all over the floor), Children's Museum (where I climbed to the top of the maze with my 2-yr-old), nap, Cheesecake Factory (where our waitress' name was Meg; "She is my new friend").

Tuesday: Leah to her course for the morning, Erica and Ross to public library and return to public garden, reunite, lunch on Charles Street, walk all the way to Old Ironsides (another request from the boy, who is well-read about Boston and wanted to see each of the sites in his favorite book), cab home, cook dinner.

Wednesday: exit day for E and Ross, Leah to full-time meeting. I found a local bar and immersed myself in the Red Sox and Summer Wheat. Then I went to another place just because it was called Daisy Buchanan's, which also turned out to be a good local dive.

Thursday: another day of ARRS meeting, with 7a-4p imaging review course. Oh, I found a coffee place that gives away free small coffee because they just opened a week ago. What a deal. My course is just another good way to study for boards. I skipped some of the mammo lectures because, honestly, I never plan on reading a mammogram and I can actually say that because I'm going into pediatric radiology. Never say never. Dinner was best minestrone ever at Ciao Bella, which is a great place (stocked with Hendricks gin by the way). Spent some time at Apple's biggest retail store.

Remember: Record highs on a few of the days here; sunburns; up to 90 on Sunday and Tuesday. Ross in his BOB stroller, which was like a second home and (thankfully) second bed. Lots of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. The "green house," our Commonwealth Avenue apartment in Back Bay, so named because of a green awning out front. Loudest window unit air conditioner on the planet. Laundry in the scary basement. Red Sox mania. Long freaking walks because we didn't have a great map; I am a good tour guide, but maybe not that interested in details. City walking by myself (it's what I do). Erica thinking the Prudential observation was free and telling the worker , who had no response but to disagree politely.

Ride

2008-12-17T22:27:00.002-06:00

So I lasted on skis for a day and a half. At that point, Erica and I were really skiing well on the top of the mountain blues. There was a ton of powder from overnight Monday, so that made it more strenuous. I was wearing out, though. My shins felt like they were being stood upon by a 300 pound football player. We made it down to the base, and I promptly turned in the skis. I don't know if it's an improper fit, bad technique, or just my gimpy anatomy, but ski boots are hell.

Wisest decision of the trip: trade for a snowboard. Beginning anew isn't easy, but it was so much more fun. I took yesterday afternoon off, then spent some time wandering around the base area. Which was lucky because I found the best restaurant. It is Cafe Diva; we both thought it was the best meal we have ever eaten. It's fun when everything comes together and congeals into a perfect evening.

Today was a full day of school for me. It was so much fun! I didn't get as frustrated as I thought I would. I feel like I did learn the basics and could progress to the next level if, miraculously, we awoke to 14 feet of snow and couldn't leave tomorrow. I'm grateful there were no video cameras.

After school and during the early evening, I drank 32 ounces of Gatorade, 8 ounces of water, and 16 ounces of milk. I think it was a dehydrated day. I was shedding layers throughout my little school time. Learning is hard work!

We stayed in tonight so that we could rest and pack. Erica tore up her hip on a fall due to nasty patch of ice. She is hobbling around. I am going to get her a little bell to ring. Injury will make for a fun travel day!

All in all, a successful trip despite a few disasters. We are missing the boy and our little home life. I'm sure he is having a blast, but it's time to hug our little man!

Steamboat

2008-12-15T19:35:00.002-06:00

We are on our ski vacation, which means we're away from Ross for four nights! Erica has called to check several times, the explanation for which (we all know) goes way beyond her shared genetics to include her and my personalities.

So this is one of the most gorgeous places in the world, and I have taken a total of zero pictures. It's also the land of single digits, ergo my refusal to remove gloves unless E's life depended on it. I can fold and unfold a trail map with my gloves on. I don't think I can manage the little shutter release on her tiny camera. And I would most likely drop said camera, as I have done the ski poles, ChapStick, and trail map.

The two of us are kind of a comedy of errors. [Interruption - the Wheel of Fortune answer just came across as "beginner and intermediate ski slopes."] With these long sticks firmly attached to our feet, which themselves are made completely immobile with bindings, I mean ski boots, it is nearly impossible to ski the long one-degree uphill grade that comprises the lift line. Seriously, when very few people are skiing, can't they just make the line chutes obsolete? Those of us who are weak and novice have a hard time cross country skiing to the start of the non-existent line. E has fallen in such situations several times.

Take a step back: we have already spilled a full Starbucks coffee at the Little Rock airport, lost and next-day found a credit card, and lost my skis. How do you lose skis? Well, we're riding up the gondola this morning when I look out at the skis in the little holder. There are two professional pairs for the guys who are serious and wearing helmets, there's a pair that is labeled "E Braswell," and there's a pair that looks just like mine labeled "JT." So we ride the gondola back down and walk over to the scene of the crime. I replace JT's skis, but mine are long gone. They are EXACTLY the same skis and poles. We probably even wear the same shoe size, because this person didn't return these after a couple of hours of us watching for them. So we go to the rental place and they tell me to walk back down to pick up JT's which can be refitted for my boots. Each step in this process equals 1-2 flights of stairs in ski boots.

So the good stuff. We are staying at the Steamboat Grand, which is appropriately named. It is at the base of the mountain and super close to the lifts. Our room is two rooms in one: a large king hotel room with gas logs and awesome bathroom, and a big sitting room with gas logs, a full kitchen, couches, window seats, huge dining room table, and its own full bath. Two flat screens. I mean, the Duggars couldn't stay here, but a lot of Frances could. I don't know how I made the mistake of booking this place! I am way too cheap.

Recap:

We had a routine flight to Denver, where we then sat on the concrete for almost 2 hours. But we made the connection to Hayden/Steamboat airport and had a quick flight to the mountain. Our shuttle took about 30 minutes. We walked around a little last night and ate at the Gondola Pub and Grille, but it was 0 degrees and dark. Fairly early night.

Today, we had breakfast in the lodge (included, for those of your keeping track of my travel agent skills). We came up to the room and put 7 layers on. Okay, not quite, but a lot. We started with a couple of green runs - we got off the lift at a half-way point that says "BEGINNERS - EXIT." That was smart as it turned out. Anyway, after that we rode the gondola and did some longer greens. The snow is awesome, and this mountain is gorgeous. I haven't been anywhere like this. Very spread out, wide runs, but tons of trees. I think it was then that we took a break and then chose the wrong skis. That realization led to lunch. The next time, we rode the gondola again but then kept catching lifts up higher and higher on the way down the runs. We ended up at the top of the mountain - 10,384 feet at Sunshine Peak. From there, we got to experience some perfectly rolling blues with fresh powder. We went to the top twice, and then it took two more lifts and series of runs to get to the front side of the mountain and home. Whew.

One more debacle - I busted on a shortcut walkway to the grocery store. Oh well, we were able to make dinner and relax in our condo. Tomorrow is more skiing and pick a restaurant day. We are sore.

True love

2008-11-12T20:10:00.002-06:00

The main change recently is that Mae has moved to a farm. This is a good thing. She is reportedly happy, and we are definitely happy. Things are more peaceful, Dory is like a new woman, and we now have a daily reminder of what true love between a boy and his dog is.

Our new nanny is a lifesaver. We have all kinds of names for her, but the bottom line is that we are better off. We are less stressed, better fed, and more organized. Tennille and Ross make a great team. She is really on board with our parenting goals and philosophies. All of which is very good, especially given that we will be taking a break from Parent's Day Out for the previously mentioned reasons.

I have to take a break to tell you that Ross has gotten his second wind tonight, which includes running all around, not minding, pulling Dory's ears, and stating, "I NEED CANDY." Now he is jumping on the couch. This usually means it is bedtime. For some reason, it happens most nights. He had a dose of Benadryl about an hour ago. Maybe this is a paradoxical reaction. That would be so bad, because we often rely on pharmaceutical help with bedtime. Now he is saying "READY! JUMP" from the couch. He said, "Be careful take a big jump so high." Erica is about to pass out from nervousness.

He thinks there is a monster in our house. It is silly, not scary, and alternates between being yellow and brown. Why would such a young kid think there's a monster hiding in our house?Where did he get that?

Work is good. I did a month-long rotation on pediatric interventional radiology and loved it. That is comforting given that I want to dedicate my career to this field. It would have been pretty weird to have hated it.

We want to sell our house. We are the most indecisive people. Maybe we have bad luck. Or chronically inadequate expectations about what it will be like once we've lived in a house for a year. Anyway, we would love to find a way out at this point. For lots of reasons, not the least of which is that this one if breaking the bank.

Okay, it's clear I need to study. Why else would I be such a good blogger?

Excerpt

2008-11-11T15:11:00.002-06:00

Here's an excerpt from the seven-paragraph (SEVEN!) email that was in my inbox when Ross was picked up from school.

I'm not including the paragraphs that suggested we get professional help. Or the one that said an occupational therapist might be able to prescribe a "sensory diet." Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

[K**** said he did try to bite A**** on the finger today, but it didn’t leave a mark. She didn’t write it up, and I’m not going to count it as one of his three “chances”. I have let her know that if he bites at school, he has to be picked up, and after three occurrences, he won’t be able to come back. I really hope it doesn’t get that far. You know I really love Ross; we all do. It seems to me like a very severe consequence, but I have to make sure the other children are safe. I can’t put the church in a position of liability.

We remain open to any other suggestions you might have to help Ross get through this difficult time. He is a smart, sweet boy, and we will do anything we can to help him (and you two).]

Did that say July???

2008-11-11T09:15:00.002-06:00

I just logged in and saw that my last post was July 28th. Is that possible? Are they going to kick me off for never attempting to entertain a few readers? Would I deserve it? Probably so.

I blame Facebook. It's my new way to keep in touch, and given its ubiquity on the phone, I barely ever check or update blogs. How's that for Arkansas grammar? "barely ever" "hardly ever" sheesh.

Anyway, we are of course busy. We are of course good. Life is good. Erica has finished boards, I am starting to study for mine, we have a super sweet President elect, and Ross is an amazing kid. Other than continually biting anything that breathes at his once-a-week parents' day out, he is the most genuine, intelligent, lovable thing on the face of the planet.

Holy smokes

2008-07-28T23:19:00.002-05:00

I am a Facebook victim. That thing is ridiculous. I thought reading books could while away the time. Geez.

Meanwhile, we're doing fine, if Erica could ever get my head out of the laptop these last couple of days. Her mom has been diagnosed with a large chest mass - long story short, the biopsy is benign and she sees a surgeon tomorrow to get it taken out sometime soon. The big family beach plan is somewhat on hold.

Ross is a maniac, jumping and climbing and wanting no help on the diving board! He calls us both "Eah" because the twins always called me that growing up. It has been a struggle to try to teach him "E-Momma." And he's now getting a little more personality while playing with other kids, i.e. knocking them over and pulling hair. That's what happens when you have a 9-year-old boy for a cousin. He says "cheese" whenever he sees a camera. He can't stop jabbering. When he wants something, he says "eah" over and over and over again until we pay attention! It is kind of cute.

I have also discovered jott.com for list-keeping. It is like coming home again for anyone with OCD such as myself.

Now I just need to add to the list: figure out how to make my blog more techno-savvy. It has been neglected. I don't even have all my links on the side. Love my blogs. And don't even mention pictures and videos.

Off to FB for more chatting with the long-losts.

W

2008-06-29T22:28:00.004-05:00

It's been another whirlwind weekend. Say that five times fast.

I got back into town last Wednesday, which was a day late due to the current state of travel affairs. My little cute family picked me up at the airport, and we spent the day together. Of course since I am a slacker blogger I don't have a freaking clue what we did that day, but I'm sure it was fun. You'll have to check out Erica's blog to get a real sense of our goings-on. Oh, and she'll also explain the pictures above.

Work was fairly calm on Thursday and Friday. Our PACS (that's the computer system that we use to do EVERY BIT of our jobs in radiology world) was acting up, but what can you do but be patient? We went to the game Thursday and Dam Goode Pies on Friday. Saturday was jam packed with errands and such. I am dying for a Vespa scooter, so we went and looked at those. Did you know that they hold 2.3 Gallons of gas? That they get over 80 mpg? That that means I could drive 184 miles for about 9 dollars? Did I multiply correctly (it's late)?

Alas, I have credit cards to pay off, a tree that needs cutting down, insulation that needs to be put in my attic, three holes in my entry way sheetrock, and the desire for more STUFF, including a dining room table and 2 new Macs? Not to mention the prospect of a new nanny. I'm sure I'm forgetting a ton of stuff. Oh well, W will be sending me a check soon, and I'm sure that will make it all better.

We did interview a nanny hopeful. She is young but totally taken with the boy. He loved her. We're going to give it a shot. Sunday was church, lunch with Bebbie and Erin, and then work day for me. I sat my behind in the office chair and sorted. I got a ton of stuff done, but there is a lot more to do.

The other big pressing issue is finding a home for Mae. Our Aussie is born to herd and born to pester toddlers. We are having territory issues. No one has been injured in the making of this blog, but I'm afraid that's just a matter of time. We will be printing flyers, talking with the vet, and all-out begging.

Ross has had another explosion of change in the last week. Maybe his haircut prompted it. He is putting words together, pointing at things in his books, playing hide and seek, and gesturing. The new favorite game is "On your mark, get set, go!" He played with a turtle today and smeared pear juice in his hair yesterday. He is a nut. Favorite names: Rossy-man, gooberhead, angel baby boy.

I'm off to sleep to regenerate muscle fibers. I've overdone it with starting out running (again) this weekend. Ouch

Dear Boston

2008-06-21T19:00:00.003-05:00

Dear Boston,

Thank you for hosting the 17th International Workshop on Vascular Anomalies. I am thrilled to be here. I will always remember this meeting as the jumping off place for what will hopefully define my career as a pediatric interventional radiologist. Thank you for investing in the Charles Street Jail and transforming it into a boutique hotel to which I will gladly return. The Liberty Hotel has been a wonderful home base in Beacon Hill. Every staff member calls me "Doctor Braswell," the toiletries are delightful in the granite-tiled shower, and the mini-bar is well stocked (well, it was). The flat screen doesn't hurt, either.

Dear Boston,

Thank you for the sailboats and wind surfers on the Charles River, the gaslights and cobblestones on Charles St., the swan boats at the Public Gardens, and the infinite rows of brownstones. Thank you for selling me my first (first!) copy of the Oxford American today so that I would not have to stare into space while eating alone a slice of whole wheat crust Daily Special pizza at the Upper Crust. Who would have thought I would have to come here to buy Arkansas literature? Thank you for my long walks and sore calves.

Dear Boston,

You hosted me a couple of times before. When I was a little kid in the eighties, you probably thought I was barefoot and straight out of Walker Percy's Mississippi. You weren't completely wrong. You told me "We don't carry Dr. Pepper in these pahts" without a hint of irony. You showed me for the first time what real wind and cold are. I didn't forget. When I was a college student tagging along with my roommate and her family for the MIT family weekend, you laid the Freedom Trail out before my feet, and I loved knowing why history matters and stays and doesn't fundamentally change.

Dear Boston,

Thank you for hosting the St. Louis Cardinals during the weekend I am in town. What luck! I am very interested in your sports culture and have read all the Globe's coverage of the Celtics championships last week. A city that loves their teams is a place I can love. I took great pains to plan a potential outing at the country's oldest ball field. I scouted internet bargains, asked questions, and walked to Fenway to see for myself. The Cards were trouncing your Sox and it was well into the game, so I knew my scalper was going to be easy to find and ready to sell. I couldn't find him or anyone else, though, so I walked and loitered outside the bars and caught TV snippets and shopped for baseball caps. I turned back. On my way, the only guy left selling tickets gave me a deal. I retraced my steps again and found the gate, made small talk with the attendant, smelled the hot dogs, felt the roar of the crowd.

Dear Boston,

Your ticket man robbed me and sold me a bogus ticket.

Dear Boston,

I will never forget that. I might never forgive it. Please find your crumpled ticket in the green trash receptacle on Newbury Street amongst the coffee-stained newspapers. Thanks for nothing. When I bring my son to your ball park, I will not let him know that such things happen in the name of the greatest game on earth. Let's just keep it a secret, shall we?

Set list

2008-06-15T15:06:00.003-05:00

indigo girls

Little Rock's Robinson Center Music Hall

June 10th, 2008 8PM

pendulum swinger

yield

fill it up again

heartache for everyone

power of two

hope alone*

world falls*

get out the map

sugar time?

fleet of hope?

three hits

hammer & nail

devotion

last tears*

another new song?

prince of darkness

shame on you

"don't think twice it's all right"?*

kid fears*

closer to fine**

-encore-

tried to be true*

rock and roll heaven's gate**

galileo**

Legend: * = brandi carlile joined, **= brandi and her band, ?=new songs I don't know the names to very well

It was a really great show. But the whole story would take pages and pages, because the night was screwed up by melancholy and fighting and breakdown. I have some work to do. We have some work to do. My whole life has been on hold since that night, and I have experienced the full range of human emotions. Let's just say there are three mental health appointments for me in the next 48 hours as I attend to myself. It happens. I am not immune to my humanity.

Fever

2008-04-08T22:01:00.002-05:00

Ross has a fever bug. It was up to 104.1 this evening, which is not fun. Imagine two doctors sitting around scratching their heads wondering what to do next. And then we snap back into reality and realize that there are medicines for these things, and we give them to kids, and then we put the kid in the bath, and then we repeat. The only thing worse than feeling miserable is feeling miserable in some emergency room or hospital. We know these truths to be self-evident.

He also has asthma, which we realized on the two preceding days. Wheezing is not fun, either, but we are blessed to have a set of bronchioles that responds to updrafts. Whew. We cleaned the house this weekend, which stirred up dust, which mixed with the pollen, which made for asthma exacerbation.

At least the downstairs is clean. Now if I could just get up in the mornings to get back into a workout routine. Fat chance - I leave for DC for another week on Saturday. I have a busy week remaining; there is a visiting professor in our department, which always means extra time for lectures. I'm also going to dinner tomorrow night with some of the dept., and that will be a drawn-out event.

Dream

2008-03-31T22:11:00.002-05:00

E and I have been talking a lot lately about building our dream house someday. We want 5 acres with woods, mountain view, big house, pool, lots of garage space, etc. The works. It is so much fun to plan and discuss. We have been doing this as long as we have known each other. When we were in medical school, we bought architecture plan magazines and pored over our favorites. Now we live in a 30-year-old house that has some creaks and cracks. It is one thing after another.

But the dreams are in a lot of ways already realized. It's fun to do the journey, but we've got it all. It's amazing to know we will make "real" money when residency is finished, but we've got it all. I have to remind myself.

Ross is all over the place. We find him up on the kitchen table, standing and clapping. He climbs the stairs by himself. He climbs the ladder for the slide, as above. He wants to carry his backpack or any other bag. He is starting to make intelligible noises for words like "duck" and "backpack." Just yesterday, he started pointing to each item I mentioned in his favorite book.

I like the picture of him in his skunk hat. He wore the heck out of that one and the puppy dog one this winter. And he loved that red jacket with a fire truck on it. Now he is into plaid shorts and navy Crocks. We also bought Merrels when he outgrew the last pair of shoes. We were smart this time - no shoestrings for the whole summer, unless he wears white when dressing up.

I went to Rogers this weekend for a friend's wedding. It was a true England, AR, event. I grew up in a town of 3000 people, but to me it was a universe of safety net. It was the whole world, and nothing could really go wrong. What a good time to be around the core group of people who truly raised me and now watch me raise a boy. I will forever believe that there are no finer people on the planet than these.

Work is work. I look forward to another trip to DC for a meeting in a few weeks, then a meeting in June in Boston. E and I are planning some vacation time the first week of May. Hopefully some nights in a tent, and some time in St. Louis, and some wins against the Cubbies.

Disheartened

2008-03-09T22:24:00.002-05:00

I had written a long stinking blog update yesterday. Stupid thing went to offline error or some other bloggerese notion, and the "save now" draft function obviously worked at about 0% effectiveness.

I had posted lots of random crap about my current state of affairs, about which you are now clueless. Nothing was earth-shattering, but it was good - dammit.

Ross is Ross, which is to say perfect. He is climbing and jabbering and loving and all those perfect toddler things. He is such a ham.

Being home from DC is also great, but there are times that I miss being there. We went to a wedding last night and headed downtown a few minutes early for a drink. I told Erica to pull out the iPhone to get an address, and it made me miss the daily adventure that was living in a new place. So I had a Hendrick's and tonic to make up for my missing DC; I will associate those two forever.

I can't remember what the rest of the post was about. Stupid brain. Probably something to do with the snow, which is now gone.

Still (still!!!) reading Atlas Shrugged, which is worth it. Now starting Trail of Crumbs, which has an interesting provenance and an interesting connection for me personally; will fill you in later.

Thursday

2008-01-31T21:06:00.000-06:00

Wake up and nurse hangover

Metro to T he Breadline for lunch

Walking tour:

Renwick Gallery of the Smithsonian

Lafayette Square

White House (watch cavalcade arrival)

Views of Old Ebbitt Grill and Treasury Building

Washington Monument from the outside, with views of the Lincoln and Jefferson (*with plans to return)

Freer Gallery of Art (Asian)

Hirshhorn Museum (contemporary)

Home for dinner and Democratic debate

There is no way to accomplish all the things we want to do. What a frustration.

More trip notes

2008-01-31T17:24:00.000-06:00

What can I say? It is great to be here. DC is gorgeous, even when it is cold outside. I am liking the city much more than I expected to, but I have no explanation for why that is true. I am enjoying seeing all the government buildings, the museums, the parks, the monuments, and the people. I hadn't anticipated being interested in the government stuff at all, but it is really exciting to think that this is where it all happens.

Oh, and the bars are fantastic.

DC

2008-01-26T21:08:00.000-06:00

I'm now sitting in my DC townhouse, happy to finally be here. It was a two-day trip and well worth the wait! The drive was not too bad, and we got here about 4 in the afternoon. The place is totally spacious and will suit us all very well. It is cold, it is gorgeous, it is pretty exciting to be in a new place with tons of stuff to do and things to see.

Mollie and I stayed in Bristol, TN, where there was a cheap La Quinta Inn. We got up and went to Starbucks, where they were OUT OF sugar in the raw. I made a joking statement that there was NO way our day could go well. Not five minutes (okay, maybe 20) later, I had a speeding ticket for doing 80 in a 65. The guy got a kick out of telling me that 81 would have been reckless driving. Ha. The rest of the day went pretty well despite these omens, but we left dinner tonight in search of beer and gas and found neither. I'm blaming it on raw sugar.

Of course I miss the boy and the wife. It is not the same without them. Ross is now making the frog sign of sticking out his tongue all the time. He makes a "woof" noise and makes the sign for bath. The rest of the signs haven't really taken hold. Oh well. He is brilliant anyway.

I am actually surprised that Barak got S.C. I'm for the smart bitchy girl.

1-on-1

2008-01-07T21:23:00.000-06:00

Erica is working tonight in the ER at Children's for extra dinero. It's a 5-12 shift, which means I am solely responsible for all evening activities with Ross. This is a shocker, I know, because E tends to be the primary caregiver when I am working all the time. It was a lot of fun. He played in the den before dinner, then watched me cook macaroni, peas, and open the can of mandarin oranges. He is about orange-d out lately, so those were mostly reserved for me. Anyway, dinner was followed by a bath and lots of book reading, during which he almost crashed as he turned the pages. As a function of his tiredness, Ross had the Best Attention Span Ever. Then he really did crash at an early bedtime of around 7:45.

Why so tired? Today was his first day of Parent's Day Out at our church. Erica was so anxious about it, which was quite endearing actually. She made a long list of things to gather. She reminded herself to label everything adequately. She agonized over leaving him. She didn't call to check, as well as I am aware. PDO, as it is affectionately known, was a big success. Our child has the hugest ego (so do we) when it comes to that nursery. He is Loved in that place. They go nuts over him.

Anyway, we had a great night. I am headed to D.C. in a few weeks for a month of training for residency. I don't think it has hit me yet that I will be gone from the fam. On the other hand, I am thrilled and excited. I will be going with friends. We will study, we will play, we will explore, we will go out, and we will be ready to come home. I thought about the upcoming separation often tonight during our one-on-one time.

Chewing

2008-01-04T14:02:00.000-06:00

The new year seems a little anti-climactic this year, which is strange for me because I usually get really into recharging batteries and making semi-resolutions. I don't make resolutions because then I would feel guilty about not keeping them. But I do usually have a lot of good intentions. Anyway, this year I just want to work out, clean the house, read lots of books, stay organized, not get behind on reading medical journals, run the 1/2 marathon, spend quality outdoor time with Ross, go to lots of baseball games, camp out, and get involved at church. That's all.

I went back and read lots of old entries the other day. I almost didn't recognize myself. There were some posts that just didn't ring true to me. Like when I was being whiny and bitchy - especially those. But even some of the hunky-dory ones just didn't seem right to me. I think there are lots of reasons for this. There were times that I just wasn't being genuine. But honestly, I think I have just changed THAT MUCH. I am a real mom, a real wife, and a real doctor. A lot of aging has occurred in the past few years; it has been one of the most transformative periods in my life. It's really interesting to think about how different things are. I turn 30 next year, and I have noticed similar changes in lots of my friends. We are (for the most part) fairly settled in at this stage. For those of us who are residents, the only big thing that will change from here on out is our jobs. Once we are out of residency, married, parented, and mortgaged, there aren't many surprises in life. This was how EBJ put it to me recently. My friend, Erin, and I have been having this discussion (albeit virtually, in cyberspace). We're chewing on it.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas. I just realized this week that ALL of my pictures since before Halloween were taken in some kind of low-quality setting. It is so frustrating. They are 1/10th the digital file size that they're supposed to be. Aaagggghh.

Saddle (as in "back in the...")

2007-12-26T22:02:00.000-06:00

I think I'll start using this blog again. There are lots of superfluous reasons, but mainly it's because it's so much simpler to use a web-based updating system. It's not nearly as polished as the mac version, but it's a lot quicker and a lot more accessible when I'm not at home. Besides, I can keep that one if I want to. I just think I'll post more to this site.

Ross' site will stay the same because it looks so good. And because his is more about the pictures (let's be honest) on the Picasa site.

We'll see how it goes. I am nothing if not fickle.

What we've been doing...

2006-10-08T20:41:00.000-05:00

Busy weekend.
I was swamped last week: call on Tuesday, 24-hr moonlighting Wednesday, work and moonlighting Thursday, call Friday. No, I'm not kidding. Anyway, so after sleeping on Saturday we had the Wood kids for the afternoon which was a huge blessing and tons of fun. Picked up Dad and Sara from the airport, then dinner with them, then some time with my aunt, uncle, and cousin + wife.

Sunday was focused on re-organizing the house in the aftermath of furniture delivery. We are the owners of lots of new office furniture, and Ross now has a dresser/changing table. What a lucky kid! Now we're BOTH actually working at functional desks in the new and improved office. All the bookcases are in here now, and the dogs are resting on the floor. I know I'm crazy, but having this much organization and functionality is nigh unto perfect for me. It's weird how much stress this relieves. I am in heaven.

You're it

2006-10-04T16:16:00.000-05:00

Here are the rules: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether or not they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions on your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

Seven songs (in no particular order or preference or genre):
1. Aimee Mann - Voices Carry
2. Pink with Indigo Girls - Dear Mr. President
3. Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records ON
4. Liz Phair - Closer to You (HOW CAN I CHOOSE WHICH SONG??)
5. Indigo Girls - new album Despite Our Differences (HOW CAN I CHOOSE WHICH SONG??)
6. Dixie Chicks - Easy Silence
7. David Gray, John Mayer, David Mead - all their albums put togther.

I had to have #7 in order to represent the other 50% of the species. Don't listen to a lot of guy stuff.

I don't know whom to tag. I'll have to think about it. I'm not much of a super-blogger (obviously).

Baby boy

2006-09-14T21:38:00.000-05:00

These are the latest U/S images. We are doing great.
Mae got spayed yesterday and is puny and tired today. She was happy to be home - and not particularly mad at us thus far.

Celebrate Freedom

2006-09-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

I love the ABR.... honest

2006-09-10T01:34:00.000-05:00

Physics no more. I just want a "P" for pass.
It was pretty hard. I pretty much hated it. But actually, it could have been a lot worse. I think it is just one of those hoops you have to jump through. There were lots of concepts about producing images that I am glad I learned. The in-depth science of it all is just not my thing. I'm not into really into the technical applications of electronics and bits and bytes.

It was also some quality time with the other residents in my class, and I'm grateful for that. We went to dinner in Memphis the night before, then out to Beale Street for some R&R. It was better than being at the hotel! Let's just hope we all passed after a night on the town.

How Katy Blake became Ross

2006-09-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I guess an explanation is due.

We weren't going to find out. It was a lot of fun that turned abruptly into misery. Then we had to know. This change occured soon after our second-trimester ultrasound, during whcih we were instructed to turn our heads and close our eyes about 50% of the time. So our doctor and ultrasound tech know it's a Ross, but we don't.

We go to work one evening to scan. I'm the ultrasonographer and the radiologist this night. We use an old scanner and try to get a peek. It was difficult, but I was pretty sure there was nothing there. I shouldn't have made a call. At one point, I thought I saw the tell-tale signs, but I couldn't reproduce it. The kid was moving all over the place. I naively called XX.

Erica calls the doctor the next day and tells her we saw girl. She agrees. She had briefly witnessed the anatomy and assumed that the radiologist (yours truly) knew what was going on.

We tell the family, publish to this here public forum, etc.

I run into the ultrasound tech a week later and tell her we "found out." She grins broadly, "It's a boy!!"

"WHAT?"

And that's the long and short of it. I am subsequently ribbed by all my co-residents - rightfully so, I must admit.

So the routine update - I've been studying. I have a long weekend off to prepare for Friday's board exam. I did a moonlighting shift Friday for 24 hrs. Helped with a funeral at church today and rested, now hanging out with the dogs and watching Hogs football.

Recent Netflix:

Best book ever:

You must read it and think about it.

At least I can admit when I'm WRONG

2006-08-25T12:38:00.000-05:00

It's a boy.
Not a girl.
XY.
Not XX.
I am a horrible excuse for a radiologist.

Please disregard the former post and return any clothing items you may have bought.

Guess what??

2006-08-18T21:12:00.000-05:00

Kathryn Blake Braswell, EDD 1/15/07

Funny

2006-08-07T21:29:00.000-05:00

Funny joke I just had to share:

Bill Clinton is placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells, "Earthquake"! The firing squad falls into a panic and Bill Jumps over the wall and escapes in the confusion.

John Kerry is the second one placed against the wall. The squad is reassembled and John ponders what his old pal Bill has done. Before the order to shoot is given, John yells, "tornado"! Again the squad falls apart and Kerry slips over the wall thus making his escape.

The last person, George W. Bush, is placed against the wall. He is thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall." As the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he smirks and yells, "Fire!"

Things are well with the Family Braswell. I am on my angio/interventional rotation and having a blast. I think I say that every time I switch rotations. Which means I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I guess enjoying your job is a good problem to have. I talked to Erica Brooke tonight in Denver (we were both on our way home). She is in the throes of wedding planning and it was awesome to catch up.

More pictures again!!!

2006-07-24T19:35:00.000-05:00

More ultrasound pictures at the HomePage Braswell. Here's the link again:
http://homepage.mac.com/leahbraswell/

Let me know what you think. We're still not looking down below - It's an ongoing challenge now to make it all the way to birthday. It's either XX or XY. Driving my dad crazy, which is about 90% of the fun at this point.

We picked up the crib today and will set it up one night this week. E's office is slowly becoming a nursery. I'll take pictures as we go.

Bottom of the 9th

2006-07-23T17:00:00.000-05:00

So tonight is my very last lower level call. Our call tier is sort of complicated, but there are always two people on call overnight: a 1st-year resident and an upper level. My 1st year of call is winding down. The first-year wears the pager. Horror of all horrors and curse of all curses. That thing is on fire. Anyway, this is my last night with that bloody thing!!! Tomorrow, I'll be free of the pager and ER cell phone.

But.... now I'll be the upper level. Any decision in the middle of the night belongs to me. I have to answer to the mistakes made in the morning. There's no attending around at night when major decisions are made. Ahhh, responsibility. Perhaps I'll be wishing I could carry the pager soon. I'll be stressing over whether or not this kid has appendicitis and needs to go to the OR. I'll agonize and perseverate, but then it'll be morning and I can go home and sleep and all will really turn out OK. It always does.

Rites of passage.

Saturday

2006-07-22T11:21:00.000-05:00

Another fairly lazy Saturday morning. I have been getting things done and hanging out with the dogs. E will be home soon. My desk is nearly clear of papers - it has been weeks. The laundry is all underway, dishes clean, list of tasks made. I've even been to Target. Even took Erica dinner at work last night.

Can you tell there's something looming? I am a creature of habits and patterns. High school, college, med school - any time something big is due, or a project needs working on, or I have PHYSICS BOARDS CREEPING UP ON ME --- these are the cleanest, most organized times of my life. Instead of studying, I clean. I work in the yard. I clean out my car. I e-mail long lost buddies. I work out. It is ridiculous.

I think I'll hire my mom. She is an organizing consultant and task-master extraordinaire. She would probably tell me to come home in the evening and spend 30 minutes on physics. THEN tackle the myriad other things. There will always be more mail.

It's always the bigger the project, the more I procrastinate. Do you know how much engineering is involved in putting a huge magnet into a shielded room, putting a patient in there, and turning that into a perfectly clear image of the beating heart and injured myocardium? I do. Oh well, like Nietschze said,......

So if you need a planner, rearranger, organizer, thrower-outer, prioritizer, hire my mom. And tell your friends. She can walk into a house and make it work better for you. Any and every room. Let me know if you have any prospective clients and I'll hook you up. Thanks for reading the shameless plug.

Disappointment

2006-07-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

So, we finally made an offer on a house. We've been looking for a couple/few weeks now. There was a big one on McAdoo that was tops on the list. We saw it again yesterday but then decided against it. So on to a house nearby - this one on Gable. I had loved this house from the outside since before they put it on the market. Sometimes you can just tell. Anyway, we walked in and it was soooo obvious that this was the house for us. We made an offer. They called us this morning - no can do on the contingency part. [We are residents and can't agree to buy a house without a clause contingent on the close of our old house.]

So life goes on. This is a big lesson in not getting your hopes too high. And a lesson in humility. And all those other tough things. But immediately after I got off the phone (for the millionth time this morning) I looked at Erica and the world is all right again. Our little family is 100% intact. I feel better now that at least we have an answer.

Our first open house is today. I hope we get twenty offers and have to decide between them all. Ha. That'll show 'em.

Then we'll have all kinds of buying power.

News flash - E is thinking in terms of no fellowship at this point. Hooray! No three more years of night call. No three more years (plus a career) of stressful critical care and ethical dillemmas about dying babies. No more killing ourselves to stay afloat in the real world (i.e. any world outside of the hospital.) So hopefully we'll have a family member with a real salary next summer. I hope it works out. As you know, career decisions in this Braswell family have a way of.... well, let's just say they're fluid. It's just like anything else. No matter what happens, we'll be fine.

There's growing interest in Little Rock for getting a rowing club started. Don't worry, my name's already on the list. I hope and pray that it comes to fruition. I would LOVE to have a regular crew to row with!! They're talking about a boathouse on the NLR side of the river.

What else has been going on.... well, neck spasms for me. I have made a trip to the massage place. Hopefully more trips to follow. Job hazard of being a radiologist, I guess. I'm sure there are more interesting things to talk about, but I can't think of any right now. Oh well. E has one more week of nights, then back to days. Little Sport is doing well. There are more ultrasound pictures at www.homepage.mac.com/leahbraswell

My link function isn't working, so you'll have to copy and paste.

House

2006-06-21T12:38:00.000-05:00

Consider yourself forewarned: we are thinking about moving "to town." It's an ongoing dream that rears its head every once in a while. Lately, it won't go away. Let us know if you know any houses in the Hall High area. We're willing to go up in price and make some sacrifices. Can you imagine an hour in the car every day with a newborn? Trips to daycare, errands, all that mess.

Anyway, we've been buzzing around the issue. Last night we went to dinner with surrogate 'rents Carol and Alan Mendel. Love 'em. Could write all day about them.

New photo website

Recent U/S

2006-06-01T22:56:00.000-05:00

Pics from the most recent Ultrasound. Notice the perfect heart rate. This kid knows how to behave.

Memorial Day

2006-05-28T23:03:00.000-05:00

Honor your fallen soldiers. And your on-call residents who thought it would be a great idea to take call Friday AND Sunday of a holiday weekend. With a new computer system in the radiology department that everyone in the hospital would have trouble with. With Riverfest dehydrated falling down drunks. With idiot boat and ATV and horse and car drivers. With two cases of carbon monoxide poisoning. Seen it all tonight, folks.

One cool case - bilateral renal abscesses with associated psoas abscess on the right. That's TB in my mind until proven otherwise. We'll see what it turns out to be. He's immunocompromised and has reason for TB. Could be anything, though.

I finally wised up and brought my computer to call. Hooked up the reading room computer speakers. iTunes hasn't stopped since about noon, and it's midnight. Awesome. U2 for traumas, Jack Johson for mellow routine studies.

Let's see, what's news on the homefront. Nobody wants to hear about work. Erica is entering the nausea phase, but today was not too bad I hear. She has stocked up on all things ginger. And we have fresh mint leaves to add to cool drinking water. Maybe this first trimester stuff will pass quickly. I can't believe we're 7 or so weeks already. My cousin Jayson and wife Jennifer had another baby yesterday. Harper Davis is number 3 for them. He needed a little nursery TLC last night but is doing great. We got to see him through the window last night. It was great to see all the family.

Tomorrow, we sleep. Then cookout with the Joheim's, then Meagan Tullos' graduation, then out for her big sister's 21st B-day celebration. I hope I can make it through all that!

On-call dietary today:
Starbucks coffee and cranberry orange scone
M&M's from the nuclear medicine stockpile
Wendy's baked potato and side salad
Nalgene water
Pizza s/p removal of pepperonis
Starbucks coffee (holiday schedule at the hospital means no Gourmet Bean coffee shop)

What a mess!

Winding down

2006-05-22T22:23:00.000-05:00

Another late evening post. I'm trying my hardest to maintain focus and sanity with the whirlwind of events and tasks surrounding/swarming. I have this eternal weight on my shoulders about not studying enough. This physics test in September continues to loom, and I haven't done any real reading for it. But I did write the $900 check tonight, so the wheels are in motion. All downhill from here.

The good news is I know how to tell if a 16-day-old has malrotation of the bowel. Among other pediatric radiology topics.

The other good news is that I'm going to be a mom in January.
[If you're finding out this way, don't get mad. I've tried to call almost everyone.]

I don't know how to describe excitement. It's not in my vocabulary. There's nothing else to say. Miracles don't particularly lend themselves to concise statements. I keep having this weird reaction to Erica's first ultrasound pictures. I look at these things all the time, but it's so weird when it's my kiddo in there. I have checked everything I can possibly check over and over again, but I still get excited to think about what it really means.

It's already obvious how loving and caring our friends and family and church family are. A huge part of the fun in this whole journey we've started is sharing the excitement with the people we love. Thanks so much for all your phone calls just to check in. It says a lot when people are instantly happy and full of smiles when they find out. I think people who know gay people are not afraid to be supportive. That's just my take on it.

Dad said my grandmother was fine after her heart stopped and she required a ventilator for a while. Here's hoping a smooth recovery for the older generation.

Who knows? If this kid can heal some old sore wounds, I'm all for it.

It's nighttime

2006-05-15T22:03:00.000-05:00

It's nighttime and so quiet except for a few crickets outside and I can hear E and Dory and Mae breathing in their respective dreamworlds and everyone is here in one room and everyone is in her own little comfy tucked in place and life is so good. I'll never forget this as long as I live.

Nothing else matters.

At last

2006-05-08T19:16:00.000-05:00

I just uploaded these from the camera. They were taken on our camping trip just a week after bringing Mae home. I can't believe how much she's changed since then! These pictures make me realize how she's grown. She is really lovable, but also really playful. She loves to nip at heels - a born and bred herder (we knew what we were getting into). Dory is handling things so well and tolerating all the nipping and jumping. They're sleeping pretty well through the night. Both have shots this Friday. We can't keep them clean.

I have to admit I've never in my life seen a cuter puppy.

EHS

2006-05-08T00:25:00.000-05:00

I had my England High School reunion "meet & greet" (how cute) Friday night. Not that I finished high school there, but they were nice enough to include me. What an event. I loved getting to see those people. Even though I haven't lived in England for 16 years (WOW!!), it really was like being around family. Isn't that weird? Not really family, but some other undefinable relationship. Anyway, it's the people I grew up with and spent ALL my time with. I was the girl in jeans then. I would have been the girl in that school who refused to go to prom. In fact, I skipped out on my own to go drink Rum and Cokes by the 20-oz styrofoam cup at Sewanee on a perfect spring weekend. But that's beside the point. The point is that I am still the girl in jeans who wouldn't go to a prom but who gets along with all the popular people, has a ball, and wouldn't trade my life and upbringing in a small town in Arkansas for forty million bucks.

To me, everyone had grown into carbon copies of their parents. I was doing all these double takes. They loved calling me Doctor - for about five minutes. Then everyone moved past that. We all had a lot to catch up on. One guy is an NFL star. One guy "maintains the estate and vehicles" for Jack Stephens. One girl is a massage therapist. A soldier stationed in Germany. A female LR cop. A classmate who works at the Pentagon - nobody knows what she does. Interior designer. PhD in something having to do with chemistry. Nurse, teacher, housewife, parent. Pretty amazing.

We may all talk about each other, grow apart, and change. But I do know that that group of people cares for each other and would hang together come hell or high water. They really impressed that upon me. I left there when I was a kid, but what a neat set of adults. See, it pays to be raised in a small town.

Thanks to E for letting me stay out late drinking beer with old friends.

Germane to a recent adventure

2006-05-01T21:41:00.000-05:00

What is the best way to remove a tick?

Recent research indicates that some traditional methods of tick removal are ineffective and may even be dangerous. Medically acceptable procedures for tick removal are as follows: grasp the tick as close to the skin as possible with a pair of tweezers and apply an even, upward pulling force. If tweezers are unavailable and fingers must be used, they should be protected by disposable rubber gloves or, at least, facial tissue. Do not jerk or twist the tick; this action might tear the head and mouth parts from the tick's body and expose the feeding wound to the tick's body fluids.
Removed ticks should be saved in a vial or jar labeled with the date and location. This information will aid the physician in the diagnosis of spotted fever or Lyme disease should an illness develop.

Hey from us

2006-05-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

Mayday

2006-05-01T21:05:00.000-05:00

I am on information overload. Does this happen to anyone else? I think I'll invest in one of those centering weekends, where you pay to go sit on a hill by yourself and have some quiet time. Thing is, life isn't even that busy these days. But between studying, working, and trying to read, I can't keep up. Here's what comes across my radar in a normal day:

Mail
E-mail
Check the blogs
Runner's World
New Yorker
Pediatric Radiology: The Requisites
Online peds modules (way behind)
iTunes
More e-mail
Bills, online and otherwise
Car tag renewals
Malpractice insurance
Erica's progesterone and various other levels
Church media organizing
Church everything else
The Rep
Filing all of the above into the appropriate places
The dogs and their food, bathroom, medications

The list goes on an on. I guess these are just the hazards of being alive in the year 2006. Anyway, so an update is again in order. Still trying to get pregnant. Still loving our jobs, house, life, dogs, friends, family (at least half of it), church, and all the other wonderful things in life. I'm enjoying radiology at Children's, although we had vacation last week and caught up around the house. Quick camping trip to Petit Jean with buddies a weekend ago. New dog. You name it, we're living it!

It's been three years since Bush declared a victory in Iraq. Our work was done, apparently. Should we even tell him "Told ya so"??

I'll be working on recent pictures from camping, new puppy, etc. Mae needs to be publicized. And I've been reminded that I never posted pictures from the ceremony we had at our house. Hello?! What was I thinking? They're not even on my computer yet, so I'll be working on that soon. Promise. After I accomplish my daily list of information overload tasks.

Ripley's

2006-03-23T20:24:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not...
I'm posting.

We had an awesome trip to Florida!! Pics are posted on my Yahoo! photos page. See the my photos link over there on the right-hand side of this page. Then click on Disney World and prepare to be amazed. And overwhelmed! There are like 130-something of them. Have fun with that....

It's the modern version of subjecting friends and family to slide shows of their 18-day-long road trip across the MidWest. Boring if you weren't there, probably. Oh well we had the time of our lives. If you've been there, you understand the magic that place entails.

Back to the real world. We are doing great. Enjoying our house and rearranged office/extra room space. Dory is glad to have us home, but had a great time with Uncle Will. Everyone is tired of the cold weather. My running routine sucks. I'm so mad at myself and hate that I'm not a perfect allstar athlete committment-savvy runner.

Erica is reinventing her organizational life with Franklin Covey. Lest you be deceived and think this is an expensive DayRunner... let me help you out. It's a life-altering system of defining your goals, values, and mission statement. Only as a side effect do you actually get things done and accomplish all your goals in life! Oh, and it comes in real leather. Seriously, I'm proud of her taking charge of her hectic crazy resident overworked life. She is really interested in a NICU fellowship after she finishes residency next July.

I still have no clue which fellowship(s) I'll pursue. I love too many things. Time will tell.

I could write a while and catch you up a little better, but it's time to head to the bedroom and settle in time for ER. For all you American Idol fans out there, I can't stand your show. Just kidding. I think it's pretty funny, but the 10 minutes I've seen don't deserve all the stupid radio air time on my way into work. Thank goodness for iPods so I don't have to listen to that stuff ad nauseum...

Implode

2006-02-19T07:32:00.000-06:00

They're about to implode the old student dorm here at the med center. When I say about to, I mean in about 90 minutes. This place is on a lockdown. I came early to start my 1/2-call. The streets are icy, the implosion is the news of the day, and everyone is totally wacko. The other resident called and said she wouldn't come until after the lockdown is lifted (11 AM or so), so I have an upper-level here with me who has already worked 24 solid hours! The techs are all here, even though there aren't a lot of cases. And I have no attending. I guess we won't see him until after this mess. What a weird day! I'll let you know how it goes, here in survival mode.

We stayed at my dad's last night. Dory could not rest in a strange place. But the weekend has been good. E and I switched rooms - she gave me the guest bedroom as my NEW OFFICE! She was just excited as I was. More on the house/home plans soon...

Sad

2006-02-13T22:10:00.000-06:00

This is so sad....I didn't even know it was the Olympics until we were at a restaurant Friday night and saw the opening ceremonies. Does that say anything to anyone else? No wonder I feel like a chicken with her head cut off all the time - I AM!!

Great times lately with family and friends. My precious cousins were so fun to see on Friday. (And my mom, aunt, and uncle!!) Dad and Sara took me to dinner tonight. Erica started 2 weeks of nights, so there went Valentine's. Plus I'm on call. Oh well.

Zac, a fellow resident, is supposedly at the hospital with wife and (hopefully) new baby right about now. I can't wait to hear about it. Everyone is having babies. It's like a population explosion in LR among our friends. Shahked is now a month old and I can't even believe it. Sigh.

Yeah, I know

2006-02-03T07:15:00.000-06:00

It's been forever...again. Even I am missing my blog. I just get so caught up in the day-to-day. Priorities do change as the first year drags along. I am learning so much and working so much and playing so much and visiting with friends so much...

We babysat our friend Shahked last night, who is three weeks old. She got mad every time she wasn't held facedown. It was almost funny to see her scream that hard. Is that twisted or what? I am so sick for saying that. Everything she does is phenomenal to me. E is teaching me all about this stuff.

We've continued our Wed. night dinners with the Joheims. Got to see the cousins this week as well - for Erin's birthday. Imagine a vegetarian eating at Doe's... I did have a bite of tamale, though.

CT rotation is still going well. I am still liking radiology more and more as I get more comfortable on call and at work.

We are talking about rotating our extra rooms. It will give us a chance to freshen up the office. It needs an organizational overhaul. One of the goals/side effects is better study space for me. Lord knows I neeeeeed to study. We have physics boards in September, and this residency is all about studying like a marathoner all four years.

The guy at Starbuck's knows my name. He says regulars should come inside rather than drive thru!

I'll continue to promise to try to attempt to post regularly!!

Saturday at the U

2006-01-21T09:14:00.000-06:00

I'm up at work today, but it's only for applicant interviews. I am leading the tour. How nice to be here and not be stressed out!

The hugest news is that we are PUMPED about our trip to WDW. The flights were $10 thanks to frequent flier miles!! We're staying at the Wilderness Lodge for the five nights, and I can't wait. March 8th is our ceremony date. Lots of details to work out before then.

The second hugest news is that I finally got off my you-know-what yesterday after work and went for a run. For some reason, I have had a huge block about running ever since the beginning of interventional rotation. It's been forever. The longest break I've ever taken since I began running a few years ago. I am painfully out of shape. It hurt. But I'm so glad I went. Maybe this is the start of a new routine. I'm tired of hearing my excuses.

Life has been routine. We are missing our buddies vacationing in Florida. Lots of things are going on at church. I've taken on a lot of responsibility with the media production and continuing to help at Community Breakfast. Plus more reading and homework for work. I started CT rotation this week, and it's really important to learn as much as I can on this one.

I had this dream last night involving hanging out at the lake. We had like two or three ski boats and toys galore. E and Dory and me and kiddos jumping in the water and playing like crazy. Doesn't get any better than that, until you have to wake up.

Boring

2006-01-15T19:28:00.000-06:00

I think I must just be a boring person; I haven't had much to talk about lately. Not much has happened, really. I have been lackadaisical this weekend. I'm so sick of being on call. I won't bore (see, there's that word again) you with complaints. I even get tired of hearing them.

The L Word has resumed for a third season. That's good news! Tonight's episode will no doubt be riveting. The book of Daniel is barely playing in Little Rock - how scandalous. I have last week's episode on TiVo since I was hanging out in the reading room, dictating 5,000 plain films, at that time.

I got to see my cousin Will this weekend. He has agreed to housesit for our WDW trip in March. I'm going to take him up on the offer to do some odd jobs around the house. Stuff I would probably love to do if I had free time to do them. He is getting over the flu and feeling better.

Lots of church stuff. We fed about 200 at Community Breakfast today. I washed plates like a madwoman! Lots of lotion for me today. We had a meeting after church about the Methodist Foundation for Social Action. Basically a liberal group within the church that wants to preserve doctrinal flexibility, inclusiveness, and justice. Very forward-thinking and progressive. If we don't do something, the church as we know it will disappear. Our foundation depends on open minds, hearts, and doors. I learned that there are giant corporations with people who are NON-Methodists (but part of the religious right) who are pumping dollars and manpower into our church. They run political warrooms. They want appointees to our delegations in order to change our Book of Discipline to reflect their values. It's all about exclusivity in membership. If they kick out all the people who don't look, talk, and act just like they do, then there won't be much left worth coming back to. I am so frustrated by this. My theory is: you can't be inclusive "some of the time." That doesn't count. You can't claim open doors and bar those doors to gay people (just ONE of the many examples - I just happen to take that one most personally).

As I stood there, I was reminded that change in our country is all about meetings in little rooms, with folding tables and chairs, a pot of coffee, a sign-up sheet, and a group of people who insist on what's good and right. I would have fit in so well as a hippy in the 60's. I never knew that I was a social activist waiting to happen. Powerful stuff. Rage against the machine.

Happy birthday MLK. Thanks.

2006

2006-01-03T13:51:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the New Year. New year, same old blog.

The holidays were upon us, then made a casual exit. The tree is down and in the yard waiting for the big truck. Erica worked seven nights in a row in the PICU, so I saw her on occasion. She made it to Christmas Eve service but missed Christmas celebrations with both sides of my family and hers as well. All in all, it was a great Christmas nonetheless. We didn't give or get too much. Our biggest gifts were to the church and Heifer Project - all is well with that.

We went to New Year's Eve at the Peabody Hotel, an event preceded by fancy dinner at our house with Jessica and Meredith, who were Sydney-less. What a nice night! The Peabody was a blast, but way too crowded. Ran into several people we know. Then a cab ride to their house, during which our cabbie was subjected to lots of talk about LH surges, ovulation prediction kits, frozen sperm, etc. Both families going through fertility attempts! He laughed good-naturedly. I got up early to head in for another 24-hour nightmare known as call.

Menu:
Shrimp pasta
Broccoli
Green salad with almonds and fresh raspberries
Brie and jam toasts
Cranberry chutney/cream cheese/crackers
Champagne fruity drinks
Espresso/Au laits
Amaretto Cake

Pretty impressive, huh? The decorations were still up, and I totally FORGOT to take pictures.

I have had a LOT of call lately. For some reason, they were all jammed together at the end of December. So now I'm recovering and getting things done around the house. We also went to Beauty and the Beast at the Rep, which was the BEST show I've seen there.

Erica woke me up this morning screaming my name from the front door. I stumbled out there in my PJ's to see a house (across the street and down three) totally engulfed in flames. We were in total shock. The fire trucks were already there and spraying from atop the big ladder on top of the truck. Firemen everywhere, sirens, lights, people outside watching. I at one point mentioned my camera, but it was way too weird for that. There are only bricks left. We watched them tear down the garage door as everything was still burning, and there weren't any cars. It was surreal to watch the three firemen go inside with oxygen tanks as there were still flames burning. I'm still hoping no one was home, but there is no news that I've heard about it. Katy called me from Fayetteville to say that it was on katv.com. Apparently it started burning a little after five, but we didn't go out until 6. It seemed to be at its pinnacle when we got there, because we watched almost an hour as it died down. All day today, there have been cars driving on the street. The trucks were still there when I went to the dentist at 11. I guess Erica was able to leave okay around 8 to go to work.

Anyway, that's the exciting news. I'm off to my local law enforcement agency for fingerprints (one of the joys of medical license application). I guess it's good that licensed physicians can't be criminals. Right?

Active

2005-12-20T19:11:00.000-06:00

I present to you a couple of unabashed activist plugs.

This one lifted from rosie's blog:
[ON CNN
“Jack Cafferty: Who cares if the Patriot Act get’s renewed. Want to abuse our civil liberties-Just do it! Who cares about the Geneva conventions? Want to torture prisoners-Just do it! Who cares about rules concerning the identity of CIA gents. Want to reveal the name of a covert operative? Just do it!

Who cares about whether the intelligence concerning WMD’s is accurate. You want to invade Iraq? Just do it. Who cares about qualifications to serve on the nation’s highest court. Want to nominate a personal friend with no qualifications? Just do it.

And the latest outrage, which I read about in “The New York Times” this morning, who cares about needing a court order to eavesdrop on American citizens. Want to wiretap their phones conversations? Just do it….
What a joke. A very cruel, very sad joke.”]

And another from a fellow Methodist's e-mail.

[Friends:

I write to you during this holiday season to ask you to sign on to a "statement of conscience" against the war in Iraq signed by 96 United Methodist bishops. More than 2800 people have joined the bishops in this statement. My hope is we can garner at least 10,000 signatures and carry this statement to the President and the Congress. Many of you have your own mailing lists. Please ask your friends and contacts to sign on to the statement. One need not be United Methodist to support the bishops' statement against the war! The link to the statement is www.umc-gbcs.org/nowar.
Thank you for your help.
Happy Holidays,

Jim Winkler
General Secretary
General Board of Church and Society
of the United Methodist Church
100 Maryland Avenue NE
Washington, DC 20002
(w:) 202-488-5620
(f:) 202-488-5699
jwinkler@umc-gbcs.org]

Disney

2005-12-13T19:37:00.000-06:00

I'm planning a trip for March to Disney World. That's right, the most magical place on earth. I have been wanting to take Erica there as long as I've known her. I think maybe we'll just go. Carpe.

Anyone know any Orlando area wedding planners???

Cases

2005-12-13T19:32:00.000-06:00

My case file is expanding rapidly. How cool to know that I have digital images from my first year of residency that I can keep forever. They end up in my e-mail, on the computer, online at Yahoo photos, and on my new thumb drive. Now if I could just synchronize all of the above...

Quiz:
What does this coronal CT image of the abdomen show?
A. Appendicitis
B. Bowel ischemia
C. Bowel obstruction
D. This isn't a coronal image; it's sagittal

Three cheers for the first right answer.

Angio

2005-12-13T19:20:00.000-06:00

My month on interventional (angio) is coming to an end. This is a very bad and very good thing. I am loving angio and will consider it as a career possibility - if I can get through the year-long fellowship of late days. It comes with all the fun, thrill, satisfaction of a surgical subspecialty. Only with fewer complications, shorter procedure times, and MUCH shorter incisions! Unfortunately, it also implies that some people will get sick because of you - and you have to be called to fix things. In addition to wearing lead aprons and standing on your own two feet for hours on end.

Sigh. Decisions. Maybe Erica was right all along - peds interventional is the way to go for me. I honestly can't imagine a more rewarding career. Awesome.

Minneapolis has been our most recent fantasy location. Midwest city, plenty big, not too big, lots of job opportunities, good reimburesment, good schools, culture, etc. Actually, this town has Everything with a capital E. What's the rub? Obvious - the weather. Four seasons sounds nice, but it's that stupid winter part. I've been asking Meredith about what's involved in plowing snow. At Sewanee, Erica Brooke used to show me up as a super-talented windshield scraper diva. I'm lost when it comes to real winters. Alas, all these have seemed inconsequential as I have become more and more excited about the impending move (3 1/2 yrs from now) to Minnesota.

No peds fellowship in that whole state. Can you believe it? If we end up there, it'll be after I get peds trained somewhere else. Not the end of the world, but I had it all planned..... I am so ADD when it comes to future plans. Hopefully this one will become less desirable with time, because I have REALLY been focused on Minneapolis.

What else has been going on... got the Christmas tree up, preliminary shopping done. I went to a Sierra Club meeting last week and made some good contacts. The usual call routine, church on the weekend, hanging out with friends Sunday night for cookie party.

We're planning on Beauty and the Beast at the Rep for the 30th and the Peabody New Year's Eve Party the 31st. I'll be on call the 1st, so must watch my champagne intake. Or not.

Holiday

2005-11-30T21:16:00.000-06:00

It was an awesome Thanksgiving. I had call last Tuesday night, which meant post-call Wednesday (day off)! Which also meant, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun off. I hate to gloat but it was AWESOME and much-needed and (I think) deserved.

Poor Erica is paying back all that time off in October. Working hard and long is an understatement. Two months in a row that end in ICU (NICU, then PICU). Yuck. Sick babies.

So we went to Conway to cousin Erin's house last Wednesday. It was so warm and inviting; I love my family time so much. They are all wonderful and lovable and fun. Thursday, all the events were at my mom's. E's cousin Clare spent the night then woke up while I was baking our famous old-family recipe for Tea Cakes. Gotta love the KitchenAid mixer (thanks, Margie). The new idea at my mom's was that the "next generation" will be taking over all cooking and prep. responsibilities for Thanksgiving in 5 years. I don't think that's enough time, but we're learning! We also planned NOT to give Christmas gifts - just one large donation. This year, it will be to the Heifer Project. Each year may be something different. I think that's a great idea and will be glad not to buy needless gifts - all while helping somebody else out. We also stopped by the Joheim's as they were about to eat. Then spent the late evening at my mom's with Erin.

Friday, E had to work (surprise). I took off for Heber Springs to spend the morning and early afternoon with Becky, Mimi, Robyn, and Forrest & Marianne(sp?). It was also much-appreciated family time. Without the kids there and the whole big family group, I got to spend even better QT with them. We went to Conway to shop a little afterwards. Then I got to see Erin AGAIN to drop off my iPod. How cool!

There is no way I could ever give enough thanks. Ever.

I'm not sure what we did the rest of the weekend. I'm sure it was important. Ha.

I have become vegetarian. This is sort of a shock to me as well as you! I just decided I don't want to put unnecessary meats into my body, so I'm not. It has been totally easy. Except for on call at stupid UAMS. Very few options. They don't even have a vegetarian soup. Whatever. I think I have always wanted to be meat-free but doubted that I could do it. As Erica and I establish an evermore earthy-crunchy lifestyle, it totally makes sense. There are very few items in the pantry and fridge that didn't come from the organic store. Heck, I even have soy milk in my fridge right now. What once would have been a total out-of-body experience is now the norm for me, and I FEEL BETTER!! At least from the clavicles up.

I have had fish several times in this two-week period, and some chicken soup that my mom made. But no turkey. That reminds me what we did Saturday - cook with the Joheims for Interfaith Hospitality Network. It's a nationwide program that now has a LR branch. Our church is responsible for a week at a time, hosting guests in the network. Then they go to another church. We provide meals and a place to stay - the program provides job training and searching. It was an interesting experience to say the least. Some of the people were awesome and grateful, others not so much. But I'm glad we helped out. I ate the meat sauce on the spaghetti because I thought it was socially required. Or at least obligatory. Erica wants me to be a "flexible vegetarian." I think that's what she means.

I'll include a few holiday pictures. I MUST stop now and tackle the pile on my desk. Ohh, and let me know if you read the Sewanee article in the NY Times today. I'm pissed off to tell you the truth. Another post for another day.

Forget

2005-11-23T18:03:00.000-06:00

Forget everything you heard about the third time being the "charm." Our third attempt yielded a no-go on the pregnancy. We'll take a month off and take a prescription for Clomid, thank you very much. Another holiday season as a two-person family. And one dog.

Debacle

2005-11-17T18:32:00.000-06:00

I have seen this word, "debacle," all over popular media lately. First, Jim used it on Martha's Apprentice. Then I used it (flagrant copyright violation) the next day. I have since read it on at least THREE blogs and in the Arkansas Times. And somewhere else that I'm forgetting. What is so popular about this word? Ever notice how you hear a word once, and then it's like an everyday occurence??

This is one of many words that I was reading before I ever heard it pronounced. There have been lots of those over the years, because I was a nerdy kid who read my way through life. Well, not entirely, but you get the gist. When I think of more of these words, I'll post them. I pronounced "debacle" incorrectly in my head for a long time. I emphasized the first syllable rather than the second. Funny how you one day realize how things are supposed to sound.

This has been a long entry about words. I like words, I like etymology, and for some reaon I have a delusion that my faithful readers give a damn!

HEAT

2005-11-16T10:36:00.000-06:00

I've taken some heat as of late for not blogging often enough. Well, well, well. I am flattered. Here I am on an easy rotation with time to do computer chores and stay up to date. And what did I do? Wait like 48 hours between posts, and the world comes to an end.

So the heat I'm feeling is NOT from the weather. This morning's low was near freezing. Yesterday's high was 72; today's is 52. Quite a difference. I thought all day yesterday about bundling up for the morning run, and what did I do? Stayed in bed for "one more minute" after the 5:14 second snooze went off. I ran yesterday after a two-week hiatus. What am I thinking? I have to remind myself that I ENJOY running. It is like such a chore lately that I've totally neglected my runs. Sometimes when you're a resident, life happens. Life just happens. Erica and I have been so overwhelmed. It's like everything is great one minute, yuck the next. And plenty to be done.

Happy birthday to my dad. Today is # 52. Don't tell him I posted that.

We went to the Sierra Club's screening of "Wal-Mart: The Hight Cost of Low Price" last night. Go to www.walmartwatch.com and www.walmartmovie.com (my link function is not working). If you haven't seen the film, you need to. I think it's a vital requirement in our society and state of AR. The blatant corruption, abuse, and irresponsibility of the mega-corporation had me unwittingly dropping my jaw intermittently for the entire 97-minute film. I am cutting up my Sam's card and never looking back. Forget bargain detergent and dog bones. We'll just have to get by without. And if Katy Bartlett reads my blog, I apologize in advance. I sure don't want to lose a best friend over her husband's job. I'm sure there's another side to the story (I hope).

Quapaw Quarter is hosting a showing of the film on Friday night. Unfortunately (not really), we'll be at the opening night of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Tickets already bought on-line. Hooray (my favorite written word for expression of excitement)! This weekend isn't getting here fast enough. Is it just me?

I have been a dutiful radiologic physics student as of late. I'm so proud of myself for taking (a very little) time to get started for the first set of boards next September. We radiologists apparently need to know every intricate detail of how these crazy images are produced. For some reason, this takes a year's preparation with afternoon lectures and study guides. Yuck. Do they think I really care about compton scatter, coulombs, and the modulation transfer function???

Only a few more days until our third two-week wait is over. Fingers crossed.

Landfill

2005-11-11T09:35:00.000-06:00

Trash

2005-11-11T09:32:00.000-06:00

[What We Throw Away
In just one year, Americans generate 236 million tons of garbage. While about 30 percent of it gets recycled or composted, 164 million tons are tossed away, including:

26,800,000 tons of food
8,550,000 tons of furniture and furnishings
6,330,000 tons of clothing and footwear
5,190,000 tons of glass beer and soda bottles
4,200,000 tons of plastic wrap and bags
3,650,000 tons of junk mail
3,470,000 tons of diapers
3,160,000 tons of office paper
3,070,000 tons of tires
2,820,000 tons of carpets and rugs
2,230,000 tons of newspapers
2,060,000 tons of appliances
1,520,000 tons of magazines
1,170,000 tons of wine and liquor bottles
970,000 tons of paper plates and cups
840,000 tons of books
830,000 tons of beer and soda cans
780,000 tons of towels, sheets, and pillowcases
540,000 tons of telephone directories
450,000 tons of milk cartons
160,000 tons of lead-acid (car) batteries]

From the Sierra Club website: www.sierraclub.org

Celeb Watch

2005-11-09T15:57:00.000-06:00

Kenny Chesney: When are you going to come out of the closet? Is is just me?

Melissa: When are you going to come to Little Rock? I love your new iTunes Originals, likely because it gives us commoners a chance to get into your head. We love intimate details. Keep 'em coming.

Sometimes....

2005-11-08T15:47:00.000-06:00

Sometimes when you're a resident, you have french fries for dinner. With salt and ketchup. And sometimes your dog gets to eat one too.

Right idea

2005-11-08T09:58:00.000-06:00

We'll take these points into consideration:
A) I'm not running for President.
B) I'm not saying I could do the job much better (that's why I'm a doctor).
C) Maybe I just enjoy bashing other people.

Regardless, he's pretty much useless. Worse than that - he's taken us backward 100 years and is malignant in the process. Would that he were "only" ineffective. If he would just stay in his room all day and shut up....

NYC

2005-11-06T07:41:00.000-06:00

I wish I were in New York today for the ING New York City Marathon. Can you imagine how awesome that would be: 37,000 participants and over 2 million spectators. That's a lot of energy for one island. Here's a photo from the 1972 race, in which the six women participants protested a separate women's starting line. They refused to take the 10-minute "advantage" and sat on the start line for the 10-minute stretch. How cool. Less applicable now, when the women love having a separate start - more publicity, more of their "own" race, more room to run like superstars. Also pics of last year's champ, Paula Radcliffe. Perfection.

Buh-bye

2005-11-04T12:36:00.000-06:00

Ha-haa-haa

Frog

2005-11-04T12:25:00.000-06:00

I am sick, and my voice sounds like a Frog. A big ugly toad frog.

A few websites I have been led to recently:
www.scientomogy.com
www.babycenter.com

I think Scientology is hilarious. I'm glad they came up with it, if only for the entertainment value sorely needed for the rest of us in the world. The more I read about it, the more I laugh out loud and think Tom Cruise is pathetic. Just like Rosie, my former crush on him has waned.

Last weekend was packed. We had that Halloween party at our house for the peds people. I did med school interviews on Saturday AM, then we spent most of the day at the Joheim's for Sydney's birthday party. It was of course a blast. Erica and I had to leave to go to a retirement fancy party on top of the Peabody Hotel for Dr. Kelsey Caplinger, one of her dad's partners. Dory became queen of the hill at the birthday party, as all the wimpy dogs shied away and ran home with their tails between their legs. Ha. Sunday morning, we had Sunday school and church, potluck, and naps. Erica and I used our season tickets for the Rep's last night production of Of Mice and Men. It was very powerful and well-acted. I'm glad we got to go.

This has been another boring nuclear (unclear) medicine week. I was post-call Tuesday and had a seminar Thursday, so at least I had some time off! I'm on call again tomorrow, which marks my fourth Saturday call. I think I only have 8 or 9 the whole year, so it's great to knock another one down. I've been reading and studying this week, which makes me feel better. I also had a ministries meeting at church, which was productive and gave me a feel for a lot of the planning and ideas for Advent and Christmas.

I have worn a sweater two days in a row. Hooray for our much-needed fall. Now that Erica is in the NICU and next month in the PICU, it was good timing to start our yearly seasonal affective disorder with the changing of the clocks. Yuck. Time marches on.

2005-10-27T21:47:00.000-05:00

More pics have been uploaded, including the fair. It was a really depressing day - there was only one little kid there to represent the whole state. Oh well, we took lots of pictures - exclusively of her. It was sad to see such a cute kid without parents or family there... strange. (Just making the point that no pictures included anyone other than sweet Sydney!)

New Hero

2005-10-27T10:42:00.000-05:00

Martha rocks. I want to be Martha and have all her money. The truth hurts.